


Stunning Someone

by morbid_beauty



Series: Stunning Someone [1]
Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Genderfluid Character, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-04
Updated: 2015-01-01
Packaged: 2018-01-14 12:33:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 27
Words: 37,965
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1266763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/morbid_beauty/pseuds/morbid_beauty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Frankie, a tattoo artist living in Brooklyn, has basically everything ze wants...except, like, someone to cuddle with at night. As lame as that sounds.</p><p>Gerard, an art student living in Manhattan, meets someone of questionable gender and starts a friendship with an unrequited crush.</p><p>(Or: the one where Frankie is genderfluid, Gerard is kind of ignorant to much of the queer community, and sometimes you just fall for a stunning someone.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ZeroFourThreeFour](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZeroFourThreeFour/gifts).



> I started writing this as a response to a friend's demand for queer headcanons and here we are! I'm trying something new by not pre-writing everything so this could be interesting. Totally leave comments, you may influence where this story goes!
> 
> Pronouns for Frankie are ze/zir/zir/zirs/zirself.

As an art school student living in Manhattan, Gerard often found himself in coffee shops. It was about as cliché as it could get but this particular coffee shop, ironically called the Sleepy Café, frequented by many School of Visual Arts students, was close to the building where Gerard had his 5-hour long morning studio on Tuesdays. He dropped by at 8am for a coffee, went back at 11am for another, and plopped down at 2pm for an egg salad sandwich and an afternoon round of sketches.

This was where Gerard met Frankie. One afternoon, the café was packed. Gerard’s favorite chair was taken, all the loner tables had been annexed by happy couples on brunch dates, and the only remaining seating was at a larger, 4-person table. Gerard contemplated going to the park to sketch but it was damn cold out. So he sat at the 4-person table. He would run to a chair or smaller table the second one became available. That was the plan, anyway.

Frankie walked away from the service counter with zir coffee in one hand and zir sketch pad below zir arm. It was officially zir day off and ze was regretting the skirt ze wore to come downtown; sure, it was a long one and ze had tights on underneath but outside it was too cold and inside it was too hot. Whatever. Ze had to finish this sketch for a client. Too bad there was nowhere to sit except at a 4-person table with a man hunched over a large sketch pad and a large coffee, sandwich in hand.

“Excuse me, mind if I...” Frankie said, pointing to a chair adjacent to Gerard’s.

Gerard looked up, startled, but nodded and smiled politely. Frankie took zir seat and immediately opened zir own sketch pad, full of transfer paper, to the piece ze was planning for tomorrow. The client wanted a castle that looked “more lonely and lost than creepy but still kind of creepy,” with a young brother and sister holding hands. Frankie could do that. Ze got most of the structure down as well as the outline of the children. Ze just needed to work on the details, which ze would labor over meticulously. Ze took off zir coat first, smoothed down zir shirt and sweater sleeves, and pressed zir lips together.

Gerard glanced over. He knew he shouldn’t, unspoken rule of artists and all, but he looked down at the blue outline sketched on strange paper in front of this stranger sitting beside him. He was drawing a blank for his own thing and part of what he liked about Sleepy Café was that everyone was doing something and in their own way. And she was an interesting one to watch. (Gerard assumed; you see a skirt and make-up and think _she_.) The stranger subconsciously wiped nonexistent lip stick residue from the corner of her lips, took her pen out of her pocket, bit the end a few times, and then very suddenly brought it down to the page. It seemed seamless; her hand and attention moved across the page as if she were getting inspiration out of any convenient order. But as it went along, the piece as a whole grew stronger and greater.

Gerard took a bite out of his sandwich. He reached into his bag for a different shade of blue, a better shade of blue. The one that fit the hat for this particular cat. Needed to be closer to the sky than his jeans. Gerard colored it in, erased a line, took a bite, and glanced in the direction of the stranger again. She immediately looked away, smiling a little.

Gerard noted the peculiar visage of this beautiful and talented stranger but only after noting her beauty and talent. She immediately had ink on her hands; the way she turned her head, hair falling away, revealed the great angles of her face. She was stunning. This was Gerard’s first thought at a glance at her, his second being her grace when he noted the way she worked the piece she had in front of her. Still, there was something off. Gerard didn’t know how to feel about it. He thought maybe he shouldn’t feel much.

Curious, though, was a given for table buddy strangers. “Hey, are you an SVA student?” Gerard asked in the most awkward opener ever used probably.

“Drop out,” Frankie said, none too proudly. “But I still come to this coffee shop because there is no better coffee in the city.”

Frankie looked up and smiled again. Ze’d been staring at him and he at zir. The sketch of hoodlum, human-sized cats he had in front of him was intriguing to say the least. Frankie wondered if he was intrigued at all by zir little blue castle or if only by zir. Stares from strangers, no matter how cute, were not necessarily a good thing.

“You’ve obviously never been to Crunch Shack in DUMBO,” Gerard said.

Frankie scoffed. “Crunch Shack is the most run-down shop in the eastern seaboard,” ze said. “Their coffee is too strong, their desserts will induce diabetes, the furniture is centuries old… It’s fucking great, I love Crunch Shack.” Gerard laughed, sounding relieved. “But it’s not as good as some good ole Sleepy’s.”

Frankie raised zir cup like a toast and sipped zir delightfully sweet coffee.

Gerard noted immediately the stranger’s voice, even while he raised his own coffee to toast. Conceivably female, sure. But Gerard had suspicions that he couldn’t, and shouldn’t, address. Still, he didn’t want to be rude. Not even in his head.

“I’m Gerard, by the way,” he said.

“Frankie,” said the stranger. “What are you working on there?”

So Gerard showed Frankie his sketches, quickly explaining the story and that it was a break from the usual grind. The senior art show was, apparently, right around the corner and he was disturbingly overworked. Frankie shared zir own sketch, getting a look of awe and fear when revealing zir job title of tattoo artist. Gerard explained that he was afraid of needles but he thought tattoos were cool.

“Damn, really?” Frankie said, officially bummed. “You’ve got such a great style for tattooing.”

“I’d rather comics,” Gerard insisted.

“Well, you’ve got a great style for that too, kiddo.”

They talked into the afternoon, drinking cup after cup and eating snack after snack. They drew and joked and complimented each other. Around 7pm, Frankie gave Gerard a card for the tattoo shop where ze worked and wrote zir personal number on the back. Around 9pm, Gerard called Frankie from his home. It wasn’t awkward. In fact, it was unbelievably comfortable. The start of a beautiful friendship. (If Gerard could, you know, not screw it up by having a crush already.)


	2. Chapter 2

Jamia, James, and Frankie were the gents at Three Gents Tattoos in Brooklyn. The front door opened to the front desk where Bob, jokingly called the Secretary, made appointments for people based on what they were looking for or who they liked. James was good at portraits and realistic tattoos, Jamia was talented with color, and Frankie was a pro at the little details. They each had their own rooms in the back, down the hall. Gerard wasn’t looking to get tattooed.

“Just tell Frankie I’m here to see...” Gerard said, stopping himself before he could do any misgendering. He cleared his throat and looked at the paper coffee cup in his hand. “Tell Frankie Gerard is here.”

Bob rolled his eyes, amazingly annoyed with his entire body, and called back, “Gerard is here! If that means anything to anyone.”

It was a slow day and Frankie had no appointments until a cover up at 5 so ze’d invited Gerard over. They’d been talking and texting for a week now, always kind of flirty but often full of admiration for each other as artists. It was gross. It was awesome. Unfortunately for Frankie zir room is the furthest down the purple hall so upon hearing about the shop’s visitor, James and Jamia glided out of their rooms with embarrassing big sibling grins on their faces.

“He _is_ cute,” Jamia said immediately.

“And totally not as dirty as I thought he’d be, good job, Frankie!” James said.

Frankie, slightly mortified, pushed past them to get to Gerard, who looked about as confused as a guy could look without looking constipated. “Don’t you guys have better things to do than embarrass me?” Frankie asked, tugging on Gerard’s sleeve and dragging him along behind the desk and to zir work station.

“I don’t mind as long as you keep complimenting me,” Gerard said.

Guffaws abounded as Gerard followed Frankie down the hall. He’d won the approval of Frankie’s friends, it seemed. Luckily Frankie had a good sense of humor about it, smirking at Jamia and James before welcoming Gerard into the work station with pride. Frankie was in jeans this time, no (or little) make-up, and Gerard couldn’t help but think how much like a man this near stranger looked now.

“This is, um, for you,” Gerard said, offering Frankie the coffee cup. “I don’t know how you like it, but…I figured I could get you some…”

“Sleepy’s!” Frankie said, clutching the cup to zir chest after eyeing the logo on the side. Gerard laughed at the overreaction. “This is probably cold.”

Ze took a sip and grimaced then set the cup down on the counter next to zir machine and paints. Gerard scoffed; so much for the romantic gesture. Then Frankie beckoned for Gerard to look at the framed images on the walls of the tattoos Frankie had done over the years. The best ones, ze said, but ze was nervous to show them to Gerard anyway. Ze was not sure why but ze cared a lot about Gerard’s opinion at the moment so ze was beyond pleased when Gerard stood up and walked along the walls, scrutinizing the pictures and making appreciative sounds.

“I really like this one, with the scales,” Gerard said, crouching and pointing.

“Oh, that one was awesome to do,” Frankie said. Ze walked over and hovered over Gerard’s shoulder. “The colors were a killer to blend right.”

“It’s so intricate. You drew this shit onto a person! That is just so cool.”

Frankie blushed a little and stood up, grinning. “Yeah, it’s pretty cool.”

“You know, I drew something kinda like that for a project one time…”

And there they were on the subject of art again. Which was fine; it was their connecting, common factor and Frankie felt comfortable enough to go on and on about it. They both had the knowhow and it was seamless the way they fed off each other, laughed at each other’s jokes. Frankie could just talk and listen, about SVA and the best paints to use on the best canvases and disasters with broken pencil points. But Frankie realized two things very quickly, in the hour they were standing around zir work station being nerdy artist losers: 1) Gerard was very, very cute, in a perfectly disheveled sort of way Frankie thought was only a thing in movies and 2) if you only have one thing to talk about with a person, the topic will dry out eventually and this cool new friendship thing could absolutely go nowhere.

Why was Frankie even thinking about where it could go? Ze just met this guy, gosh!

“Frankie, you’ve got a walk-in for a consult!” Bob called.

Gerard covered his mouth, hiding the giggling fit he was having due to Frankie’s very dramatic reenactment of the Worst Client Ever. Frankie stood up straight and righted zir face. Ze opened the door and glanced down the hall, calling back, “Hey, could you give me a minute?” Then ze turned to Gerard, who was red in the face, and said, “I’m gonna have to kick you out. Thanks for the cold coffee.”

“You need to finish telling me that story later,” Gerard said, stepping forward for a hug and then stopping himself. Frankie must have noticed, narrowing his (her? fuck) eyes before pulling Gerard into a warm hug and squeezing him for a lingering moment before letting go.

Gerard awkwardly waved to Frankie’s client as they passed each other in the hall and let out a long sigh once he was in the front area of the shop again. James was painting his nails black on the counter; Jamia was sitting on the couch by the door reading a newspaper. Gerard walked to the door and paused before leaving. He cleared his throat and they, along with Bob, all looked at him.

“Slow day,” Gerard said.

Jamia shrugged. “Frankie’s kinda famous so when clients come in for walk-ins it’s usually for Frankie,” she said.

“Everyone loves zir,” James said, rolling his eyes.

Gerard turned his head too quickly, spoke too loudly. “What did you say?” he said and the others looked startled. He felt his cheeks warm. Had he heard what he thought he’d heard? Everyone loves _her_?

“I said everyone loves Frankie?” James repeated, except he didn’t really repeat it and Gerard tried his best to not be annoyed. Should he just ask?

“Hey, weird kid,” Jamia said. Gerard raised his eyebrows at her. “You’re cute and Frankie says you’re cool. Come to my birthday party next weekend!”

“It’s supposed to be a surprise,” Bob whined, rubbing his eyes.

Gerard laughed and cordially accepted the invitation, going so far as bowing before exiting the establishment and leaving two gents and their secretary to playfully argue. Yeah, Gerard will get along with these guys just fine. Now he even had an excuse to see Frankie again soon.

After the consult with the walk-in, Frankie went to the front of the shop. Bob had gone for his lunch break and Jamia was with a client. Frankie popped a squat next to James on the couch and stared at him with wide eyes. James took the bait after a minute of picking at his nails.

“Say it,” James said.

“I crush on anyone that shows moderate interest in me,” Frankie said. “Isn't that ridiculous? Like, what am I doing?”

James knew the story. Frankie came out and dropped out a few years ago and ever since, zir luck with relationships has been exactly 0. Ze always looked for zir friends’ approval because they were generally good judges of character but everyone Frankie had shown romantic interest in was either very adamantly a friend or queerphobic. Ze wanted to be comfortable with being alone, like James seemed content in being, but everything else in zir life was panning out. Why not this?

“Well, this guy seems cool and he’s gonna be at the party this weekend so…” James said, shrugging. He looked at his friend with a hopeful little smile on his face but Frankie just sighed.

“It’s not worth it,” ze said. “It’s gonna end the same way it always does.”

Gerard didn’t seem like the type but what the hell did Frankie know? James groaned obnoxiously loudly, mocking zir, and Frankie blushed into zir palms. Ze knew ze was being dramatic. James wrapped an arm around zir and swayed zir. After a minute, Frankie looked at James and waited for that classic, enlightened Dewees commentary.

“If you just want a make-out buddy, I’ve got fifteen minutes until my next client,” James said, glancing at his watch.

Frankie scoffed. Ze smacked zir friend’s chest, to which James just chuckled, and then leaned over to kiss him on the cheek. Ze settled back in the couch and sighed. This should be enough, right? This should do. Ze was happy. But fifteen minutes later when James went to the back with his client, ze realized that, despite the great friends ze had, ze was also kind of lonely. Ze covered zir face again, for the third time in the space of twenty minutes. How fucking lame.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aww that got kind of sad at the end, I don't know why. Don't worry; there's gonna be a party in the next chapter so it'll be good, I swear. Misunderstandings and annoying little brothers coming your way, friends!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this update took so long, that may be happening quite a bit *blames college* but I was also struggling with being as ambiguous as possible about a) Gerard's sexual orientation and b) Frankie's sex. I don't know if that comes across. I know it's easy to imagine Frankie as male because he is in real life but I don't want that to be the case. So please tell me what you think after this chapter!

First Gerard texted Frankie and asked if he could bring a friend (his brother, he specified, so it wouldn’t sound like he was bringing a date). Next, Gerard invited Mikey to his apartment before the party. Finally, he panicked a little. Mikey was good with these kinds of situations and generally just provided Gerard with moral support no matter the situation.

“You should’ve asked,” Mikey said, rolling his eyes.

“What was I supposed to say?” Gerard asked. “Excuse me but are you a boy or a girl? What if she’s a masculine dude or a feminine guy? Like…what?”

They were pre-gaming, as you do in your twenties, and Gerard was lying on the couch with a beer can balanced on his forehead. He was dwelling mostly on the fact that he’d often dated people of a very specific biological make-up and that he couldn’t tell with Frankie what was going on. He picked up the beer can and held it over his face, letting the bronze liquid cascade into his mouth. He was too old to be having this kind of crisis.

“Why does it matter?” Mikey asked. He was leaning forward on the coffee table, cradling his own beer.

“It wouldn’t matter if we were just friends,” Gerard said. He blushed when Mikey’s eyebrows shot up. “I mean, we are just… But we keep having these amazing 3am conversations. We like all the same bands, we make each other laugh. It’s like out of a movie, I swear. I’m smitten.”

Mikey shook his head. “You’ve known this person two weeks.”

“Yeah, well, I want to know this person more and longer,” Gerard admitted sheepishly. Then, after a moment of thought, “Whether him or her.”

“Is your issue that you’re concerned with what’s between this person’s legs or what it would mean for you because I am not drunk enough for that conversation,” Mikey said.

Mikey considered himself something called pansexual and this probably wouldn’t be an issue for him. He knew all about the gender stuff and Gerard was hoping he’d get the hint and just explain something so that all of this made sense for someone at Gerard’s ignorance level. Gerard turned to Mikey, thinking hard about what he’d just said, and realized that he didn’t particularly care. He liked Frankie more than whatever was different about her/him freaked him out. He was concerned about politeness first.

“It’s kind of neither of those,” he realized. “I just don’t want to get it wrong. Like, I keep saying she. What if I shouldn’t be saying she? That’s so rude. Isn’t that rude?”

Mikey shrugged. “Might be neither,” he said. Gerard’s jaw slowly dropped. “There are pronouns other than feminine and masculine ones.”

Gerard groaned and flopped onto his stomach on the couch, causing Mikey to sputter a laugh.

Meanwhile, in Brooklyn, Frankie was trying on black pumps that Jamia said ze could borrow for the party. They added three inches to zir height and went deliciously well with the dark teal dress ze’d bought on their last shopping trip and had been _dying_ to wear to something. Frankie stood in front of Jamia’s full-body mirror with zir head turned to the side as ze put on Jamia’s make-up. Ze always ended up using her things when they got ready for a night out at Jamia’s apartment.

“You’re almost average height for a male now!” Jamia said, giving Frankie a hip check.

“That’s really cute, Jamia, did you need this lipstick or can I smear it on your wall?” Frankie said, ready to defile Jamia’s bedroom wall.

Jamia, presently barefoot, haphazardly jumped for the lip stick when Frankie held it above zir head. It was a difficult feat to steal it away while wearing the tight, shimmery white dress she was wearing and her hair so meticulously curled that a breeze might make it fall apart but she managed and smacked Frankie’s arm afterward. Frankie chuckled to zirself and sat on Jamia’s bed. They’d been getting into these kinds of shenanigans well before Frankie’s small coming out to friends and family. Ze glanced at the silver watch on zir wrist as Jamia put on her own heels, hopping to the other side of the room

“So what do you think about Gerard?” Frankie had to ask.

“Sweetie, you’ve gotta rely on your own judgment,” Jamia said goodheartedly. They both knew Frankie knew well enough that this was true. “We’ll see how he acts tonight. He seems like a cool guy but if you’re chasin’ tail we’ve gotta go deep.”

Frankie almost covered zir face in embarrassment but realized that would be a very bad idea considering how long it took zir to put on zir make-up. So ze kind of stared at zir hands and Jamia smacked zir with her purse and ushered zir out of the room. They took a cab to the party. It was at some place in Manhattan.

Gerard and Mikey took the bus because fuck spending money on a cab in the city. They were college students, not cash cows. They arrived at the party just after Jamia and Frankie did so they didn’t get to jump up and help with the surprise. Not that it mattered, since she knew about it. It was loud and mostly dark and the brothers went straight to the bar, where a woman in a green dress turned to them and grinned.

“Oh, hi!” Gerard exclaimed, going in for a hug.

“So glad you’re here,” Frankie said, squeezing Gerard. “Where’s your brother? James isn’t convinced that he’d be just as hot as you are.”

Gerard blushed a little and a grinning Mikey leaned over the counter to introduce himself. “Frankie, is it?” he said. “Name’s Mikey.”

“Mikey!” Frankie managed to lean high enough in zir seat to hug the other Way. “You need to meet James so that he can see that you’re hot, too.”

“Cool. But, actually, I wanted to talk to you about something!”

Mikey was sort of yelling, out of necessity, over the music, and Gerard was blushing hard staring down Frankie’s shimmering neck. There was something like glitter but smaller that gave this person’s skin a shine and glint. The dress accentuated Frankie’s curves in a way that Gerard had not seen in any other combination of skirts or pants and blouses or t-shirts that Frankie wore and he was kind of enamored, having Frankie so close while leaning over to reach Mikey’s voice.

“Sure, what’s up?” Frankie asked.

“Please don’t, Mikey,” Gerard said. Frankie gave him a curious look and turned to Mikey again.

Before Mikey could speak, someone moved through the crowd and approached them. It was Jamia, looking equally beautiful in a white dress. She was smiling like a moron and, upon seeing her, Gerard jumped up and hugged her. Frankie stared at the back of Gerard’s head as Mikey introduced himself just as loudly and Jamia kissed them both after they presented her with a gift bag. Ze was wondering, though, what it was that Mikey had to say and why Gerard was so worried about it. It was a party; what could the big deal be?

“Go, mingle!” Jamia said once the exchange was over. She patted Frankie’s thigh and motioned zir over. “You too! You won’t believe who I bumped into.”

“If you say Adam, I’m gonna have an aneurysm,” Frankie joked.

“He fucking bleached his hair.”

“I have to see this!”

Frankie waved at the brothers before leaving with Jamia and disappearing into the crowd of the room. Gerard sighed and leaned back on the stool. He glanced at Mikey with a grave expression on his face as Mikey sipped a beer.

“I’ll ask Frankie myself, okay?” Gerard insisted.

Mikey shrugged. He turned to a stranger sitting next to him and immediately started a conversation as if they hadn’t just met seconds ago. So much for having someone to talk to at this shindig. Gerard wandered, eventually bumping into Bob and James and falling into their circle for conversation. He saw Frankie a couple more times, admiring mostly. He never did ask.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Got a lovely comment today, felt like updating. Will hopefully be updating more often now that my semester is basically over. Enjoy!

Frankie loved suits. Ze felt fucking classy in them; unbeatable, suave, daringly masculine and impeccably handsome. Ze didn’t particularly like funerals, though, or zir maternal grandparents. Ze entered Sleepy Café looking sleepy, shoulders slumped and heaving a sigh as ze sat across from Gerard 15 minutes late to their agreed upon meeting time.

“Hey,” Gerard said, smirking. “You’re late.”

“My aunt died and I just got here from her funeral?” Frankie said, a little bitterly. “So my lateness is fucking excused.”

Gerard leaned back, a little shocked. He’d been fixated, for a moment, on the suit Frankie was wearing and how masculine a look it gave; embarrassed, slightly, that after 3 weeks of friendship he’d still only gotten hints in conversation from Frankie’s friends and kept trying to find better hints instead of asking like he’d promised his brother he would. He’d never quite seen Frankie angry, though, or so emotional.

Cheeks warmed in embarrassment, Frankie sighed and leaned forward. “That was mean,” ze said. “I apologize, I guess.”

“No, it’s fine…” Gerard said. “Be angry. I’m sorry, I was just…teasing. I’m sorry for your loss.”

Frankie shook zir head. “She was a bitch,” ze said, shocking Gerard again. “And so are my grandparents. And it wasn’t unpleasant because she’s dead. I don’t care. It was unpleasant because they keep telling me how I should look and live my life. A college dropout, tattoo artist, queer. Bad, bad, bad. Right? Their youngest daughter dies and they’re focused on their youngest grandchild’s flaws.”

Frankie looked at Gerard pleadingly. Gerard didn’t know what to do. They hadn’t quite gotten to the point of their relationship where they spoke so openly and negatively about personal things. Frankie looked so hurt. Gerard wanted to be a shield from all those harmful things.

“I drew you as a dragon,” Gerard said, turning his sketchbook to Frankie.

Shocked and relieved, Frankie laughed. Ze grabbed the sketchbook and studied the image. It was Frankie, all right; ze could see zir features in the head of the dragon though the rest very obviously took some artistic license. Scales went from green to purple and ze was in the sky, chasing a plane with a flame shooting from zir mouth.

“Has my personality too,” Frankie said.

“I’m the plane,” Gerard said sheepishly, pointing. Frankie swatted his hand away and Gerard only laughed.

They ordered their coffees and chatted. They didn’t touch the subject of the funeral or Frankie’s family again, which ze was grateful for. Gerard seemed to be making an extra effort to get Frankie to laugh, though, and it was working; Frankie was red and breathless, leaning over the table and smacking Gerard every time he said something stupid. Frankie was totally smitten. Ze had forgotten about Mikey having intended to ask zir something at the party.

It was late in the day when they had their meeting and they stayed until Sleepy Café closed, sharing a cheese sandwich first and then a cupcake. They walked down the New York City streets, the bitter cold arching over them with the sky dark. Frankie looked at Gerard: his unruly black hair poking out behind his ears and up above his head, the slight smile on his small pink lips. And Gerard glanced back, his smile widening as Frankie looked away, suddenly shy.

“So, everyone at Three Gents loves you,” Frankie said, “and wants you to hang out more.”

“Good because I have no other friends,” Gerard said. Frankie covered zir mouth to hide a laugh.

It wasn’t a total lie; Gerard had acquaintances in classrooms, sure, but the only person he really saw regularly outside of class was his brother. And Frankie’s friends were the coolest people he’d ever met.

They stopped in front of the entrance to the subway, Frankie’s train home. Gerard would take the bus from here. It was Sunday so hanging out much longer would be weird, Frankie thought, but ze really wanted to. Would it turn into a date if ze asked to go home with Gerard? Was it a date already?

“So, I’ll…see you?” Gerard said, a little awkwardly. He thought it’d be too forward to ask Frankie to join him home, since he lived closest.

Frankie’s smile faltered. “Yeah,” ze said. “I’ll call you.”

There was a promise in Frankie’s tone and disappointment still on Frankie’s face. Maybe Gerard had read the situation wrong? They spent hours together again, and this time talked about way more than art, and Frankie’s smile made Gerard so stupidly happy he didn’t know what to do with himself. He thought about what Mikey would do, king of hookups (he’d gotten that guy Pete at the party without much effort), but didn’t want Frankie to be a hookup at all. He liked Frankie and was getting to know Frankie better. But he also felt like he didn’t know Frankie at all, because of a dumb label he suspected Frankie wasn’t too concerned about.

“So…bye,” Frankie said, taking a backward step down with zir hand on the railing.

Maybe something in the middle, Gerard thought. Something between awkward crushing friend and hookup. He stepped forward, touched Frankie’s jaw, leaned down—

Frankie stiffened as Gerard kissed zir but immediately reciprocated, getting on zir tiptoes to make up for the height difference. Gerard still had to crouch a little but held Frankie closer, moved his hand into Frankie’s hair as Frankie held his wrist for balanced. They pulled, breathing deeply, foreheads together. Frankie smiled, stupid and ecstatic; zir entire day had been turned around by this guy.

“Bye,” Gerard said, grinning as he stepped back. Frankie nodded then shook zir head then turned around and ran down the stairs, embarrassed. But they’d just fucking kissed! Jamia was going to love this.


	5. Chapter 5

“He kissed you.”

Frankie nodded. Frankie and Jamia were in Frankie’s apartment. They had declared it _lingerie lundi_ this fine Monday night, in which they wore and modeled lingerie purchased over the weekend because why not? Frankie was going with something subtle but red because ze was feeling red: satin panties with just a bit of black lace, a sheer spaghetti-strap top to match, and zir warm, white cotton robe because it was March but winter was still unforgiving and Frankie’s shitty super didn’t care if ze got frostbite as long as ze paid rent. Jamia hit Frankie with a pillow and threw zir down on the bed, shouting for details on the encounter with Gerard. The movie playing on the TV screen was ignored.

“There’s not much to say!” Frankie said, flicking Jamia’s nipple. Jamia was wearing black lace under her own robe, leaving nothing to the imagination, and she fell over groaning in pain. Frankie narrowed zir eyes and smiled; Jamia knew she deserved that for her violence. “He walked me to the subway and kissed me. It’s movie shit.”

“So are you guys going to date or what?” Jamia said, rolling onto her front and looking back at Frankie.

Frankie shrugged. Ze hadn’t thought about it. Ze and Gerard hadn’t talked since, from some awkwardness and also because Frankie had promised to call and didn’t know what to say when ze did. Ze liked kissing Gerard. Ze liked being around Gerard, liked thinking about Gerard, talking about Gerard. Ze liked Gerard. But ze always felt some apprehension in these situations and ze didn’t know what to do about it.

Jamia looked at zir expectantly. Frankie just shrugged again.

“That’s really lame,” Jamia said. She looked down at herself. “I’m wearing this to work tomorrow.”

At work tomorrow, Gerard showed up for a surprise visit. He hadn’t heard from Frankie and was wondering if he’d done anything wrong. The kiss seemed pleasant enough and Frankie seemed, though flustered, happy about it. But Gerard never got a call and though it had only been a whole day, he wanted to make sure everything was okay. Naturally, he brought Chinese food as a peace offering.

“Hey, dude!” Bob said, more lively at the sight of Gerard now that they knew each other better.

“Hey! Is Frankie here?” Gerard asked.

“Yeah, in the back. All the artists are busy at the moment so you’ll have to wait out here. I think Frankie’s almost done with zir client, though. Been there awhile.”

There it was again. Gerard had heard it a couple times but didn’t understand what it meant. It sounded like “her” but not; he couldn’t make sense of it. He sat in the waiting area couch next to a heavily pierced man, the tempting smell of pork fried rice wafting to his nose when he set the bag of Chinese food in his lap. He tapped his foot a few times, sighed, and finally gave in and walked over to Bob’s desk again.

Bob was glaring at a laptop. The way he moved his fingers indicated he was playing some sort of game. Gerard didn’t want to interrupt and, after a moment, Bob looked up.

“Hello again,” Bob said.

“You can hate me for asking but I need this cleared up,” Gerard said, whispered to hide it from the man on the couch as well as the suspected bionic ears of James and Jamia.

“Okay…” Bob said unsurely.

“What…is…Frankie?”

Bob looked taken aback. Damn it, Gerard should have worded it differently. He grasped for straws, gaping his mouth and moving his hands as if it’ll make the gears in his brain move better or send some telepathic message to Bob about what he needed to know.

“Clarify, newbie,” Bob said, eyes narrowed.

“I’m just not sure what pronoun to use?” Gerard finally breathed out frantically. “I think my brother called it a preferred gender pronoun?”

Bob’s look softened. “Right… Well, it’s probably safe to ask zir yourself if that helps.”

There it god damn was _again_. “Ask who?” Gerard said desperately. Bob rolled his eyes.

“Or I can explain it to you,” he said, just as steps were heard coming down the hall.

“Gerard!” said Frankie.

A woman in a long dress said goodbye to Bob and Frankie appeared from behind her. Ze beamed at the sight of Gerard, approaching him and hugging him. Gerard hugged zir back, sighing, and the smell of fried something entered Frankie’s nose.

“What is that?” Frankie said. Ze sniffed around, eyeing the Chinese food in Gerard’s hand. “Oh, fuck yes. Tell me there’s lo Mein in there.”

“Of course,” Gerard said, bowing cordially.

Frankie clapped excitedly. Today, a shorter, black skirt adorned Frankie as the weather outside allotted it, along with a too-large Black Flag shirt messily cut off at the sleeves, low enough that a red bra could be seen underneath; black eyeliner and bright red lipstick, probably other makeup Gerard knew nothing about. Gerard tried not to spend too much time wondering about markers of gender; Frankie looked gorgeous in the simple outfit regardless and Gerard was irreparably smitten.

“I hope it’s vegetarian,” Frankie said, dragging Gerard toward the back.

“Vegetarian?” Gerard asked.

“Yeah. I’m a vegetarian, dummy.”

Gerard was taken aback by this revelation. Frankie closed the door shut behind Gerard and grabbed the bag of Chinese food, setting it on the counter and sifting through the contents. Gerard watched Frankie curiously, confused, and sighed as he awkwardly moved his feet.

“The lo Mein is,” Gerard said, “but I also brought pork fried rice hoping we could split the two.”

“It’s okay, babe, you bought it all anyway.”

They squeezed into the chair together, Frankie half lying on Gerard’s chest. Ze ate the lo Mein quickly, a happy yet anxious bubble in zir chest. Ze experimentally tried to feed Gerard, who obliged with a shy smile. He was acting weird, as anxious as Frankie, and ze wondered who would bring up the elephant in the room. A surprise lunch date? Really?

“I’m sorry I didn’t know you were a vegetarian,” Gerard said, guiltily chewing noodles. Frankie rolled zir eyes. “We’ve shared food and I never knew that.”

“Sleepy Café is mostly vegetarian anyway,” Frankie pointed out with a shrug.

Gerard put his pint of pork fried rice down and sat up a little straighter, prompting Frankie to do the same and face him with zir legs swung over his lap. “I feel like I don’t know some fundamental things about you,” he said, a little nervous about the suddenly intimate position. Frankie narrowed zir eyes. “The fact that you’re a vegetarian, for example. And I only just found out that you’re from Jersey, too.”

“Get to the point,” Frankie said, already a little on edge by what ze knew was coming.

Gerard opened his mouth and held his breath, then let it out, startled; he seemed disappointed that no words moved out with the breath. Frankie raised a brow. Gerard swallowed nervously, looking down at Frankie’s skirt, and Frankie scoffed. Ze wasn’t having this conversation with another bozo looking for a lay. Why did ze expect it to be any different this time around? Just because Gerard was fucking beautiful and all zir friends liked him, just because he quickly became one of the only people that effortlessly made Frankie smile, just because Frankie wanted it. So badly. Why’d ze honestly expect anything better?

“You know what?” Frankie said, standing up and smoothing out zir skirt. “Never mind. Get out.”

“What?” Gerard hissed, still anxious.

“I don’t need you to find a polite way to ask me about my genitalia,” Frankie spat, pointing to the door.

“I wasn’t going to,” Gerard said urgently.

“Did you want to ask rudely instead? Because I’m done with jerks I like wondering what the sex is going to be like before—”

Gerard interrupted, quite rudely, and spoke so quickly it took Frankie a moment to grasp it all: “I keep referring to you to my brother as ‘the person’ because I don’t want to use the wrong pronoun and I’ve been nervous to ask you to clarify but Bob said it was safe to ask.”

Gerard’s eyes were shut tight. He hoped Frankie wasn’t still angry, he hoped he hadn’t said or done anything wrong. He couldn’t imagine what Frankie went through with some people and Gerard didn’t want to be one of those people. He knew Frankie deserved better. He wanted to be deserved by Frankie.

“I just don’t want to be rude,” Gerard said, opening an eye to try to gauge Frankie’s reaction. Then he whispered, “I like you, too.”

Frankie shook zir head. Ze shook zir head and slowly smiled. “You’re an idiot,” ze said.

Upon seeing Frankie’s smile, Gerard beamed. “That’s a step up from jerk though, right?”

Frankie kept shaking zir head, eventually laughing with relief. Ze pushed Gerard down against the chair and leaned down, whispered, “A total idiot,” and kissed Gerard on that seat until zir next client showed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you missed it, I'm planning on posting every Monday! Any of my active stories will be updated depending on what I've been working on. Sorry updates have been so slow-coming.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember when I promised to update every Monday? Please ignore all promises I make from now on.
> 
> Anyway, sorry this is so late! Thank you all so much for the lovely comments <3 I will try to update (ANY of my stories) every Monday but if I don't please please just be patient.

Frankie’s afternoon off a few days later was spent doodling on Gerard’s living room floor and giving Gerard a grammar lesson. Gerard’s apartment was small, as ze expected, but the red couch, the knitted rug, and the half-finished mural on the living room wall where you’d expect a TV set to be gave the place character.

“Character?” Gerard said, looking away from the book in his hands. “That is the sweetest thing anyone has ever said about my humble home.”

Frankie chuckled, biting zir pen and looking up at the hero clique on the wall fighting a kaiju-inspired beast. Gerard continued reading. He apologized when he made a mistake with the pronouns though Frankie insisted it was fine. Ze didn’t often get close enough to a person that ze felt the need to share zir pronoun preference and ze could tell that Gerard was trying. At any rate, Frankie was working on a tattoo design as Gerard read a passage from Harry Potter using Frankie’s pronouns. He made no mistakes.

“Perfect,” Frankie said, grinning at zir design.

“I did it right?” Gerard beamed.

“Yes. See? It isn’t that hard.”

Gerard threw the book aside and planted himself on the floor next to Frankie’s drawing, blocking the light. Frankie reached over and tried to push Gerard away but Gerard, ever the romantic, took Frankie’s manicured hand in his instead and kissed the back of it. Frankie groaned and rolled over onto zir back but smiled as Gerard lowered himself to catch zir lips in his.

“Wait, how do I introduce you to people?” Gerard asked. Frankie set zir sketchbook aside as ze sat up, brow furrowed. “Like, I can’t say girlfriend or boyfriend…”

Frankie’s mouth slowly fell open.

“Are we…not there yet?” Gerard asked.

“Didn’t know you wanted to be,” Frankie said, smiling a little. “And you would call me your partner.”

“This is my partner, Frankie.” Gerard gestured to Frankie, introducing zir to an invisible acquaintance. Ze smiled a wide, toothy smile. “Ze is a tattoo artist and an all-around cool cat… Gosh, it just doesn’t roll off the tongue.”

“You know what does?” Frankie said, tugging Gerard down again.

They made out like this, Gerard on his knees on the floor and Frankie with zir arms hooked around his shoulders. He lifted zir slightly so ze was in his lap. It was a little uncomfortable but kind of perfect.

It didn’t take Gerard long to figure out what Frankie “was,” not that he cared anymore; he was so infatuated, undoubtedly head over heels, that it literally didn’t factor in…before they had sex, that is. Which was fine. They spent a lot of time not having sex, for reasons that were never really said aloud but were made clear whenever Gerard hesitated with his lips on Frankie’s throat or Frankie’s chest flush against Gerard’s. Still, hiking up Frankie’s skirt and having zir sigh happily against Gerard’s temple was extraordinary and Gerard wouldn’t trade it in for anything.

“Have I mentioned…that you’re my new muse?” Gerard whispered, stroking Frankie’s thigh.

“Am I?” Frankie wondered. Gerard lowered Frankie to the floor and reached for his own sketchbook, lying down next to zir.

Frankie spent a few minutes just watching Gerard draw, like ze did on their Sleepy Café dates. It occurred to zir that ze never dated an artist and that maybe that’s where ze had made a mistake. Artists were open-minded and could look past the supposed disparity in zir wardrobe choices and tone of voice. They could spend hours on a living room floor switching back and forth between seriously focusing on a project and flirting through doodles in sketchbooks. Gerard was that and more and Frankie only smiled dumbly every few minutes at the realization.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Gerard asked during a moment of silence, eyes glued to his work. Frankie rolled zir eyes.

“You’re cute and it’s annoying,” Frankie murmured.

Gerard looked up and Frankie looked down. Zir eyebrows were high and zir small, pink lips barely smiling. “Well, some things just can’t be helped,” Gerard responded, getting a full laugh out of the beautiful person lying across from him. 

~~~

Gerard became a regular at Three Gents, especially with the end of the semester and the warm weather rolling in – he’d do anything to procrastinate final projects and exams but getting to spend extra time with Frankie while they were in what Mikey liked to call “the Honeymoon Phase” was the greatest thing he could wish to do. He didn’t have a single tattoo or piercing and he adamantly would remain a blank canvas despite the artists’ demands. They planned to pick on him forever.

“Right, but I’m not paying you a thousand dollars to draw a dumb rose on my shoulder, Dewees,” Gerard said, sitting on the couch across from Bob’s desk.

“Hey!” James said, sounding genuinely offended. He was sitting on the desk himself. He pointed an accusatory finger at Gerard. “It would be the smartest damn rose I could make it.”

“Stop picking on my partner,” Frankie called from down the hall, zir recent appointee leaving the establishment with a goodbye kiss from Bob.

“But it’s so fun watching him squirm,” Jamia said from the opposite end of the couch. If Gerard didn’t know any better, he’d say there was actual malice in her tone.

“Nothing else seems to pass for entertainment around here,” Gerard said, his eyes falling on Frankie. Ze ran over and settled comfortably into Gerard’s lap.

They wrapped around each other and, to the loud complaints of zir friends, kissed softly and with need. Making out with Frankie between zir appointments was quickly becoming Gerard’s favorite pastime and it had been happening for less than a week at this point. Jamia scoffed and stood up, to the chuckles of Bob and James, while Gerard’s hands slipped down to Frankie’s waist.

“James, your appointment’s here!” Bob shouted, followed by, “OW!”

Frankie pulled away to see Bob rubbing his head. “I am right here,” said James. A startled teen stared at James unsurely.

“Don’t scare our clientele, Dewees,” said Frankie.

James guided the young lady down the hall and Frankie rolled off of Gerard to lie with zir head in his lap. Gerard stroked Frankie’s hair lightly, glad that Frankie was free for the afternoon and they could just relax; between Frankie’s clients and Gerard’s schoolwork, they hadn’t had much time to just be in each other’s company without having to rush to the next thing they had to do. It was quiet for a while, Frankie reaching to pick at Gerard’s fingers, until a door down the hall slammed shut. Jamia appeared, stomping through the lobby.

“Going for a smoke,” she said, zooming past. She flung the door shut and the sound of the slam left the three in the front of the shop in a sort of quiet tension. Gerard looked down at Frankie for some kind of explanation for Jamia’s behavior and, blushing, ze only shrugged.

“Jamia’s in a bad mood,” Gerard decided.

Bob and Frankie shared a look. They were probably thinking the same thing. Frankie hoped what ze suspected was wrong.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's midnight in my timezone which means it's Monday!
> 
> Happy Monday update ^_^

Frankie sat on the couch eating a plain pizza, waiting from Jamia to return from her own lunch break. James was with a client and Bob was taking turns between looking at his laptop anxiously and looking at Frankie anxiously. He knew there would be a confrontation; one that Frankie hoped wouldn’t be necessary and one that Jamia would try to brush off. But after Jamia’s unpleasant behavior the day before, Frankie needed to do something.

She didn’t show until long after Frankie had finished zir slice, halfway through a bottle of soda.

“Gerard’s not coming over today?” Jamia asked, walking past without pausing.

Frankie and Bob exchanged a look. Ze followed Jamia down the hall.

“No, he has some huge project to work on,” Frankie said. Jamia opened the door into her work station and Frankie leaned against the doorframe. “I’m gonna see him after work.”

Jamia let out a disapproving sigh and swiveled in her stool. She patted the chair for Frankie but ze only crossed zir arms and waited. “Aren’t things moving a little fast between you two?” Jamia asked tentatively.

“I mean, that attraction was there from the start…” Frankie said carefully. “And we’re just having dinner. It’s not like we’ve fucked yet.”

“I’m scared you’ll get hurt.”

Jamia’s pseudo-sympathy was exhausting to try to combat. She had the best intentions in the world, it seemed, and this was usually true; she was Frankie’s best friend for a reason. But this change of pace was suspicious. She was rallying behind Gerard before; why the change? Because Frankie put a label on it? Because it’s been more than two dates? Because Jamia was forced to spend time with the guy?

“You were pushing for this to happen,” Frankie said, teeth gritted.

“Yeah, because every attempted romance of yours has failed,” Jamia said. Frankie tilted zir head. “I have to be the supportive friend.”

“So you do disapprove.”

“It took him how many weeks to ask about your preferred pronoun?”

Frankie tensed and Jamia, noticing the discomfort, grinned. “I’m over it,” said Frankie. “You…should get over it.”

Jamia’s face fell. They both knew exactly what Frankie meant. “It’s not—” Jamia started, defensive, but Frankie was already turning away.

“We’re done with this conversation. I am dating him. The end.”

“I’m not jealous!” Jamia called.

“I’m not short.” Frankie paused a moment, shouted, “Oh, wait…” and slammed zir door shut. Ze heard Bob laughing.

That weekend, they went to a bar around the corner from Three Gents. Gerard and Frankie held hands for the short walk. He felt the stare from Jamia as they walked but ignored it and paid attention instead to James bragging about a hot client hitting on him, or the way Mikey looked at his not-one-night-stand Pete, or the way Frankie squeezed his hand and bumped into him. Smiled. Kissed his cheek.

The six of them squeezed into a booth at the bar and ordered shot after shot until Gerard was a giggling mess, mouthing at Frankie’s throat and slipping his hand between zir thighs. It was dark and the music was loud and infectious. Frankie wiggled zir hips and Gerard’s hand kept slipping away but he grabbed zir, bit zir neck, made zir moan.

“Gerard, baby,” Frankie said, patting Gerard’s head. Gerard looked up only to have Frankie kiss him and they sank into the corner, drunkenly making out and gosh Gerard just really wanted to fuck.

“He’s a touchy drunk,” Mikey said, nodding repeatedly with his eyes wide. “One time he made out with me at a party it was weird but also he’s a good kisser.”

James and Pete made outraged sounds and demanded details. Gerard pulled away from his girlfriend (no, wait…partner) and covered zir ears, leaning on zir to keep zir away from Mikey’s mortifying storytelling. But Frankie wanted to know! Frankie reached around Gerard and he held zir back, grasped zir as ze sat in his lap, begged zir to ignore Mikey. Jamia turned a straw inside her margarita.

“That’s freaky, did he use tongue?” Frankie asked.

“Please do not,” Gerard said into Frankie’s back.

Mikey opened his mouth to speak but Frankie raised zir hand to shush him. “Hold that thought,” ze said. “Bathroom.”

Frankie stood and squeezed out of the booth without another word. Mikey turned back to James and Pete. Gerard turned his own attention to Jamia.

“Does ze use the girls’ or boys’?” Gerard asked her secretively.

Jamia shrugged. “Does that bother you?” she asked. “Not knowing something like that?”

Gerard shook his head. “No, it’s whatever.”

“People are going to stare at you two. They already do.”

Gerard was startled by this revelation. “I don’t…care.”

“Really? Because you seem like a pretty shy guy. I would care if I were you.”

Gerard had thought of it, of course, but had decided he didn’t care. It didn’t matter. But Jamia seemed so cool in her concern that Gerard felt suddenly, in his drunken state, extremely self-conscious. Frankie returned to zir seat on Gerard’s lap and wrapped zir arms around Gerard’s neck. He stared at zir smiling face in the dim white lighting: the red eyeliner, the shadow above zir lip, the shape of zir jaw and sweep of zir hair. Fuck, ze was beautiful. But Gerard then looked around. Across the room, they were staring. Were they staring?

“You okay there?” Frankie said.

“Need a…a smoke,” Gerard said, nodding. Frankie frowned deeply; ze was trying to quit and Gerard just couldn’t. Ze kissed him on the cheek and let him leave the booth but only when ze could be sure that James would follow.

It didn’t matter if they stared. Why would Jamia say that? Gerard felt so lucky. Let them stare at him and his beautiful partner. Right?

“Yeah,” James said, smiling fondly. “No press is bad press, I suppose.”

“Jamia’s been acting really weird with me, I don’t know what I did to deserve that,” Gerard said.

He inhaled deeply. The city was wide awake tonight, as per usual, cars zooming by on the street in front of them and half of the lights in the towering buildings beside them still on. He blew the smoke out of the side of his mouth. He didn’t like being stared at. He had enough of being an outsider in high school, even now in college, and it made him anxious to think that it would just keep happening. But Frankie was totally worth it. He really didn’t care. Why was Jamia tampering with his confidence?

“Frankie hasn’t told you?” James asked.

“Told me what?” Gerard asked, rubbing his eyes. He threw his half-finished cigarette on the ground and stomped on it.

“Ze dated Jamia a while ago.”

Gerard looked at James with wide eyes and James immediately looked full of regret. They dated? Dated?! Gerard was so confused, uncomfortable. James lit another cigarette for himself. Gerard took a deep breath and asked, carefully, “How long ago is a while?”


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick thank you to a couple commentators and apologies for my confusion: Frankie's very much inspired by myself and my status in the trans community isn't really something I can wrap my head around right now, which is why we need more stories like this. There's feeling different and there's trying to understand different. Writing this is helping me do both and I hope it maybe does something for my readers as well.
> 
> So thank you to the people that cleared that up for me! I really appreciate it and apologize for my ignorance.
> 
> And I apologize for this chapter. (Heh.)
> 
> <3

They took their lunch break at a local park because Gerard had been confined to the indoors way too much lately and, though he wouldn’t say it, he wanted to get away from Jamia. It was also a really nice day out. Gerard stared at his feet as he walked hand in hand with Frankie, who was wearing shorts and a plaid shirt that was way too big on zir. Ze looked really fucking cute.

“I made grilled cheese sandwiches this morning that are cold and icky by now but I couldn’t have you keep spending money on lunch,” Frankie said.

“Gross,” Gerard said.

Frankie smacked his arm and he gasped in mock shock. Ze chuckled and ran ahead, through a gate into the park and between some trees. Gerard chased zir onto the grass and Frankie slowed down when ze found the spot ze liked. Ze squealed when Gerard wrapped his arms around zir, spinning zir, kissing zir neck.

“You don’t mind sitting on the grass, do you?” Frankie asked.

“Not at all,” Gerard spoke into Frankie’s neck.

Frankie immediately dropped to zir knees, bringing Gerard down with zir which awkwardly resulted in him falling on top of zir. He grunted and ze laughed, turning to face him and grin.

“This is not sitting,” Gerard said.

“But it’s nice,” Frankie whispered.

Gerard moaned appreciatively and kissed zir. Frankie curled zir fingers around Gerard’s neck and they kissed through soft laughter until Frankie reminded him that ze had an appointment in 45 minutes and they had to eat. Gerard pouted and rolled onto his back on the grass. Frankie couldn’t even remember the last time ze was this happy.

They ate in silence, very slowly, holding hands. Gerard stressed about his upcoming graduation and Frankie rubbed his wrist. They drank water and lied down on the grass. Frankie listened to Gerard’s stupid, nervous heartbeat and rubbed his chest.

“You’re such an amazing artist, shut up,” Frankie said. “You’re gonna do great things. We could teach you to tattoo!”

“I’m not convinced all your tattoo artist friends like me that much…” Gerard said.

Frankie leaned up and narrowed zir eyes. “Well James loves you so that leaves one tattoo artist friend.”

“You don’t notice how she treats me?”

“She’s just messing with you,” Frankie said dismissively. Ze got up on zir knees and drew circles on Gerard’s stomach, which made him jump and grab zir fingers. Ze grinned. “She’s my best friend, she’s defensive of me!”

“It’s a little much,” Gerard said.

“You wanna join us at our annual nerdathon? So you can get to know each other better?”

“What is that?”

“We buy a lot of junk food and marathon a movie series,” Frankie said. “It’s a slumber party for grownups. We’re doing LOTR this year.”

Gerard sat up immediately, his annoyance at what James told him a few nights ago bubbling to the surface. He stared at Frankie indignantly, who just narrowed zir eyes as if confused. Gerard couldn’t even believe what he’d just heard.

“You’re having a slumber party with your ex-girlfriend?” Gerard asked.

Frankie’s expression fell and ze closed zir eyes. But ze didn’t look guilty and Gerard thought ze should. His annoyance was starting to teeter towards anger, which he absolutely didn’t want, but Frankie sighed so calmly.

“Who told you?” ze asked.

“James,” Gerard said. “And you weren’t going to tell me?”

“I didn’t think it was important.”

Gerard scoffed. He crossed his arms, furrowed his brow, dropped his jaw, and shook his head—every possible physical manifestation of indignation that he could muster. Frankie rolled zir eyes when ze noticed his reaction and chuckled to zirself.

“She’s your ex and you work with her,” Gerard said slowly.

Frankie looked down for a moment then picked at a blade of grass, presenting it to Gerard. “This is green,” Frankie said, flicking the blade away.

Gerard blushed. Was ze mocking him? He relaxed a little, feeling kind of stupid and hating the tone Frankie’s voice had taken. He stared at his shoes and waited for the confidence to say something more but it occurred to him that this was a fight and he didn’t like fights.

“What do you think, I’m gonna cheat on you?” Frankie said after a while of tense silence.

“No, that’s not—” Gerard started, only to be interrupted.

“Then what’s the problem?”

Gerard turned his head quickly. “You really expect me to be okay with how close you and Jamia are?”

“Stop being so damn insecure,” Frankie said, almost laughing. Ze was so indignant and Gerard felt so small. “Nothing is going to happen, she’s my best friend. Besides, I don’t need you to be okay with it.”

Gerard was slouched on the grass, hugging his knees and trying to convince himself that he shouldn’t be bothered by Jamia and her status in Frankie’s life. Frankie seemed taller than him, on zir knees. Ze was sure of zirself but ze also looked kind of pissed. Gerard was pissed.

“You really don’t care at all that I’m concerned,” Gerard grumbled.

“Because you’re being fucking insecure,” Frankie said.

They stared each other down for moment. Gerard couldn’t understand how ten minutes ago they’d been stupidly happy. He took a deep breath, stood up as Frankie watched, and brushed off his jeans.

“Okay,” he said softly.

“Gerard…” Frankie said, not at all expecting to see him walk away like that. When he didn’t turn around, ze shouted, “Gerard!” But he kept on going.

Frankie spent the rest of the day at work angry and worried out of zir mind. No one could comfort zir. In fact, ze adamantly avoided contact with anyone but zir clients and even then ze was silent, brushed them off, made excuses for zirself. When ze did try texting Gerard, he never replied. When ze called, his phone rang and rang and went to voicemail. Normally, he jumped at the chance to speak with zir. Ze didn’t know what to do. At closing, Jamia wrapped an arm around Frankie’s shoulders and squeezed.

“Lord of the Riiiiings,” she said. “Junk fooooood.”

“Gerard and I got into a fight,” Frankie said.

Jamia dropped her arm. “Oh, fuck.”

On the way to Frankie’s, ze explained all that had occurred. Gerard’s near accusation that Frankie was going to cheat. Frankie’s terrible arrogant reaction to his concerns. Jamia scoffed at all the right moments, rubbed Frankie’s shoulder, insulted Gerard. This was why they were best friends: she knew what to say and when, how to say it, what Frankie needed to hear to make it better. However, once they were in their PJs in Frankie’s living room the air between them changed.

“Sorry it didn’t work out,” Jamia said. She smiled a little. It wasn’t a sincere sign of remorse for Frankie’s misfortune, it was an I’m-your-best-friend-so-I’m-bummed-for-you-but-I’m-actually-relieved sorry. That was not what Frankie was looking for.

“We got into a fight,” Frankie said. “One dumb fight. I’m not letting it end there.”

Jamia’s eyebrows shot up. “Good. Good! Well…you’ll deal with it tomorrow. Right now, it’s movie night.”

Frankie lied down across zir couch and Jamia sat on the ground in front of zir. Frankie stared at the back of zir head, the deep feeling of trust for the woman in front of zir sadly fading. Maybe Gerard was onto something.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHAT'S THIS?! Another update?!?! TWO DAYS IN A ROW?!!? But why, Little Mikey? Because this story got 1000 hits and I wanna celebrate! I'm so excited about the response to this story!
> 
> Also, if you read the other story I regularly update, Conjure a Divine, I wanted to let you know that I'm going to focus more on this one for a while because my muse isn't feeling the other one right now. So this one will get updated more frequently (still gonna try for Mondays...but school is starting soon so don't get your hopes too high).
> 
> Thank you and enjoy <3

It was Tuesday afternoon, like the day they met, but it was a lot warmer outside. Frankie wore jeans torn at the knees, an old red camp shirt, and converse sneakers. It was not a make-up day but ze always wore a little foundation to cover up blemishes. Ze walked into Sleepy Café and glanced around hopefully, walking along until ze got to the couches and saw Gerard sitting at a loveseat with a steaming cup next to him on a small table. Frankie shuffled over, as if being subtle would make this conversation any easier. Ze squatted in front of Gerard, getting in his line of sight, and his hand abruptly stopped over his sketchbook. He didn’t look at zir.

“Figured you’d be here,” Frankie said, playfully tapping Gerard’s knee. He continued drawing. Frankie put on a brave face and nudged him. “Hey, we had our first fight! Milestones!”

Gerard crossed his legs. Frankie dropped zir hand.

“Please talk to me,” Frankie said, a little more desperately than ze would have liked.

“You were mean to me,” Gerard said slowly.

Frankie closed zir eyes, zir anger flaring. “Really? I hurt your feelings?”

Gerard put his sketchbook down next to his cup and leaned forward. “Yeah and you’re doing it now,” he said, only loud enough for Frankie to hear. “Tone it down, I’m your boyfriend.”

Frankie took a moment to calm down. Hearing that he was zir boyfriend made zir swell with hope that they could fix this. Maybe ze was a little harsh. “You’re right,” Frankie relented. “But I was only mean or whatever because you’re being unreasonable and accusing me of cheating.”

“It’s not about me thinking you’ll cheat on me. It’s about just how close you two are. Like I’m going to always be second best to her. I’m not going to be enough for you and she will be and more.”

Gerard uncrossed his legs as Frankie got up on zir knees. They stared at each other, Gerard looking exasperated and Frankie was miserable and angry. “I can’t believe you think that,” ze said. Ze started making motions with zir hands, which ze did when nervous or over-excited. “She’s my best friend. You’re my boyfriend. I go shopping with her, joke about costumers, be nostalgic. With you I drink coffee and sketch, read books aloud, make memories.” Frankie touched the table, Gerard’s thigh. He smiled a little and looked away. Frankie kept zir hand there. “It’s such a different dynamic and you shouldn’t be worried because I used to fuck her.”

“You could’ve worded that differently,” Gerard grumbled, cringing at the thought of Jamia and Frankie together.

“I’m not going to BS you. I used to fuck her. But there’s a reason I don’t anymore. She’s not what I needed or wanted. You are.”

Gerard thought about it. He touched zir hand and leaned back. He felt more relaxed; he was so happy to see zir, hear zir voice. He was touching zir and looking at zir and digesting what ze’d said so he could feel better about the whole debacle. He knew he had a lot of insecurities and would be unreasonable but he really liked Frankie and didn’t want to screw it up because of zir best friend’s jealousy. On the other hand, bringing up the “fucking” thing did resurface another issue in Gerard’s head that he expected would cause another fight right there.

“We don’t fuck either,” he said.

“Not yet…” Frankie said. Ze smiled and turned zir hand so Gerard could hold it properly. He grasped it and tugged, urging zir forward. Ze rested against Gerard’s legs and leaned down to kiss them. He felt better already. “I’m sorry I didn’t take your concern seriously before,” ze murmured.

“I’m sorry I’m such an insecure dork.”

Gerard tugged again and Frankie chuckled. Ze got up and sat gently in his lap, curling up into him on the love seat. Ze was so small, it was adorable. He missed zir so damn much and it had barely been a day.

“So we’re okay?” Frankie asked.

“Not sure, I…think you need to kiss me first,” Gerard whispered as he leaned in.

They kissed and Gerard tasted that gloss, smelled that weird shampoo ze used, remembered much too fondly for someone he had only dated a few weeks. God, this felt so good.

“Yeah, still not sure,” Gerard said as they parted.

“Shut up!” Frankie said. Gerard laughed. Ze leaned forward to sip his coffee and grab his drawing. He showed it to zir and spoke enthusiastically about his idea, always having 100% of zir attention. Ze watched him with wide, excited eyes, the biggest smile, arm securely around Gerard grounding him, voice and expressions always encouraging, and Gerard thought this was the best person he’d ever shared any part of himself with.


	10. Chapter 10

Gerard had an art show of sorts that weekend. Frankie was going as his date. When they were sitting in Sleepy Café, Gerard was nervous in explaining about it. Frankie didn’t understand why.

“Well, my parents are gonna be there and…I don’t know how they’ll react…to you.”

The way Frankie’s expression fell was the most heartbreaking thing Gerard ever witnessed.

“I don’t have to go,” Frankie said. Gerard could feel how ze tensed at zir own statement. Gerard shook his head vehemently.

“I want you there, baby,” Gerard said. He rubbed zir hip and ze continued looking away, staring off for a while before saying, “Well, shit, I need to pick out an outfit,” and they didn’t talk about it again until that night.

Frankie was nervous. Ze was excited to see Gerard’s work on display, to hang out with Mikey, to see James in a suit holy crap. Jamia wasn’t attending; she really didn’t care much for Gerard, which was a problem Frankie would deal with some other time. Frankie kept adjusting zir tie, patting down zir hair, glancing around nervously as ze walked around the gallery. Occasionally, James’ fingers brushed zirs and ze calmed a bit. But ze didn’t really feel relaxed until ze saw Gerard. And then ze got stressed all over again, seeing a white-haired woman with a smile and eyes wild like when Gerard got overexcited.

“Frankie!” Gerard said, wrapping zir in his arms. “You look so handsome,” he said excitedly, no hint of irony in his voice, as he squeezed zir and let himself be squeezed.

Like that, the tension resolved. People Frankie knew rarely used gender-specific terms to describe zir when they complimented zir. Ze always looked cute or good. It was nice to hear. But handsome, when Frankie had picked out zir best tie for this occasion, sounded so much better. Frankie was beaming when they pulled apart, taking just a moment to kiss then turning so Frankie could greet Gerard’s mother.

Gerard cleared his throat and gestured. “Donna, Frankie. Frankie, Donna.”

They shook hands. Frankie’s was sweaty. James stepped away with a similarly formally dressed Mikey to wander around and mingle with the other gallery goers.

“Frankie,” Donna said vibrantly, cupping her other hand over Frankie’s. “It’s a pleasure to finally meet you!”

“I’d say the same,” Frankie said, grinning. “Your son is very talented, I wonder who he got that from.”

“Not me!” Donna laughed. “I can’t even draw a stick figure, trust me. Gosh, I wish we could smoke in here. Gerry, baby, I’m going crazy for a cigarette.”

Gerard blushed to match his own red tie. “Well, I know where he got that from…” Frankie muttered, touching zir lips with two fingers. Donna laughed heartily. Gerard rolled his eyes but smiled.

They wandered around the gallery together. Gerard dared slip his hand into Frankie’s as they moved. At some point, Donna stopped between portraits and turned to Frankie. “Mikey told me something about pronouns?” and they had a quick conversation about it. Frankie blushed but seemed less nervous than Gerard was. Donna clarified, “Okay, you just change the first letters in female pronouns?” and Frankie nodded a little unsurely.

“That’s not how it’s spelled, though,” Gerard whispered when Donna’s back was turned.

“I don’t care as long as she says it right,” Frankie whispered back.

Frankie, Donna, and James all bought one of Gerard’s paintings, despite his insistence that they didn’t have to. In fact, they didn’t; other gallery goers had purchased some as well. Gerard exited the gallery with his chin high. His family and friends all beamed at him. Especially when Donna got embarrassing.

“I’m so proud!” she said, smearing lipstick on about every inch of his face she could reach. Frankie giggled into James’s shoulder and Mikey didn’t even hide his own laughter. As she pulled away, she lit a cigarette. “So! Dinner! I’m paying!”

“Is dad coming at all?” Gerard asked.

Donna’s face fell. Gerard tried to ignore the anger that rose in him. “I tried to convince him to come, sweetie, but—”

“It’s fine.”

Gerard stepped back to wrap an arm around Frankie’s shoulders. He looked around at their expectant faces, looked out at the cabs on the street, and decided quickly that he wasn’t in the mood for his mother’s exaggerated personality. He was exhausted from showing off his work all afternoon and now he was pissed at his father.

“Actually, I’m thinking I just wanna spend some time with my partner,” Gerard said, squeezing Frankie. Donna narrowed her eyes. “Mom, I saw you last week. Really.”

“Okay. James, you’re coming,” Donna said, turning away and blowing smoke at the sky.

“I…I couldn’t—” James tried, but Mikey cut in.

“It wasn’t a question,” he said, sort of laughing.

“Mikey, call that boyfriend of yours. I am in the city, I will meet him or so help me god…”

Mikey dragged his feet as he followed Donna to her parked car. James waved at Frankie and Gerard with the excitement of a grown man offered free food. Frankie waited for them to be out of earshot before turning to Gerard.

“Why’d you bail on dinner?” ze asked, hooking zir arms around Gerard’s waist. He shrugged, looking away distractedly. Frankie cleared zir throat. “So, that was not a disaster.”

“Nope,” Gerard confirmed.

“We actually got along!”

Gerard laughed. “Yeah!”

They hailed a cab and Frankie rattled off zir address without thinking about it. Gerard gave zir a look. He hadn’t been to zir place yet. They went to Three Gents, to coffee shops, to parks, even to Gerard’s, but never Frankie’s. It was a strange unspoken thing, like Gerard’s tense relationship with his parents. They just never went to Frankie’s house. Gerard wasn’t sure why it was happening now, but he held zir hand as the cab crossed the Manhattan Bridge. Ze kissed the back of his hand and held it to zir chest, making Gerard smile absently out the window.

“Shoes,” Frankie said just inside the door of zir apartment. Gerard took his off immediately. Frankie took zirs off and flicked a few light switches as they entered.

Frankie’s apartment was small. Smaller than Gerard’s and a bit of a mess. There was an easel turned on its side behind a television that had a crack in it; the couches were set up in a sort of fort, which Frankie quickly ran over to remedy; a glance into the kitchen and Gerard saw roaches rallying around some cereal on the counter; and random things like shoes or clothes or boxes were strewn about on a chipping linoleum floor, barely illuminated by the flickering bulb of the living room lamp. Gerard always thought that with Frankie having a third of a business and all that ze’d have a nicer place. Apparently not.

Frankie returned from straightening out the couch cushions to face Gerard with a beaming smile. “I can cook us something or we can order out to avoid food poisoning,” Frankie said, toying with Gerard’s tie.

“Why didn’t you push me to go to dinner with my mom?” Gerard wondered. He hadn’t meant to say it out loud and Frankie looked a little offended at his insinuation.

“You obviously didn’t want to for whatever reason.” Frankie looked at zir fingers on his shirt. “I can get to know her some other time. I understand weird family issues.”

Gerard was angry. That his father had more important things to do than go to his son’s art gallery, that his mother pulled him aside to comment on her surprise that Gerard was into he-she’s now, that his partner’s best friend couldn’t even try to accept their relationship. But there Frankie was, staring at Gerard with wide honest eyes and a small smile, straightening out his tie and draping zir hands over his shoulders.

“I don’t know, I thought I could distract you from…whatever is wrong,” Frankie said. “Can I? Help?”

Gerard scooped Frankie into his arms, lifted zir off the ground, and kissed zir. Frankie moaned in surprise, smiling against his lips and draping zir legs around him. Ze could feel him releasing his tension on zir and ze wanted it so bad. His hands pressed into zir back as he moved them forward and when Frankie hit a wall, ze squeezed Gerard’s waist. He was only this passionate when drunk but he was dead sober now and Frankie encouraged him with soft moans as he kissed zir roughly, raked his fingers down zir back, pressed so close to zir that ze knew it wouldn’t be enough for either of them until there was negative space between them.

When Gerard moved his lips away, Frankie immediately kissed his cheek and his neck. Gerard licked the shell of zir ear. “I would carry you to your room,” he whispered, “but I don’t know where it is.”

All Frankie could think was _finally finally finally_.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back on campus and things are gonna get hectic soon. I haven't been writing. If I ever don't update on a Monday, it's probably because I couldn't. Sorry. Anyway, enjoy!

Frankie held Gerard’s hand as ze led him down the dark hall to the last door on the right. Ze left the light off but in the dim light from the hall Gerard saw it was surprisingly tidy compared to the rest of what he’d seen of zir apartment. They stepped all the way in, shut the door, and were incased in relative darkness. They stared at each other, holding hands, until Gerard’s eyes adjusted and Frankie spoke up.

“Dress shirts,” Frankie said.

Gerard chuckled. “Dress shirts.”

The shirts were a little wrinkled now but Gerard and Frankie still took delicate care to take them off and drape them over zir desk chair along with the ties. Then Frankie felt exposed, turned away from Gerard to take off what ze had on underneath the shirt, and he held zir from behind and kissed zir shoulder. Frankie sighed and fell into him, his body warm and comforting. Ze turned and they were kissing again, first wanton and slow then frustrated and needy like before. Gerard held Frankie so close, so tight, that ze was on zir tip-toes kissing him, clawing at his back and fisting his hair. He stepped backwards, Frankie’s toes grazing the carpet.

There was a pause when Gerard’s legs hit the bed. His forehead touched zirs and he inhaled sharply. He undid Frankie’s belt. Frankie watched zir black jeans slip just passed zir hips as the belt hit the ground. Gerard hooked his thumbs into the lines of zir hipbones and ze urged zir hips forward, carefully, flush against his. It felt like walking on eggshells and they looked up, startled by the small movement.

It was encouraging, then, when Gerard kissed Frankie again. His hands pushed zir jeans down and ze stepped out of them. Then their hands met at his hips (“Dress pants,” they both said, laughed) and Frankie smiled up at him as ze helped him remove the pants as caringly as possible then tip-toed over in just zir panties to fold it on the desk chair. Then ze ran over and threw zirself on the bed, wrapping zirself in the sheets. It all felt silly and Gerard was laughing when he crawled in on top of zir and resumed their kissing.

Frankie’s hands roamed Gerard’s arms, chest, back, legs, squeezing and pressing and looking for crevices and blemishes to learn and memorize. Gerard’s hands were shyer, one going from zir neck to zir hip once and staying there while the other stroked zir hair. He was making happy sounds and it all felt good but Frankie knew it could feel so much better. Ze shifted zir weight and easily got Gerard pinned to the mattress between zir legs.

Ze smiled quite devilishly. Gerard smiled back because he was so turned on and Frankie was so hot and _finally finally finally_. Ze leaned down for another heated kiss and they were chest to chest; Gerard tried to stay relaxed, ventured a little more, wanted to feel zir, and the little moans ze made only drove him to do more of just that. He felt like a virgin again. Confused, shy, unsure, scared. All of those emotions overwhelmed him, though, when ze pressed against him completely, pressing their crotches together, and something like a flashing red light went off.

“What is it?” Frankie said, a little breathless. Zir brow was furrowed. A moment ago ze was moaning and now Gerard had his hands pushing zir hips away. His eyes were wide, mouth agape, hands shaking.

It dawned on Frankie and ze rolled off of him immediately. Ze stared at the ceiling. There was a foot of space between them.

“I’ve…never had sex with…” Gerard started. He breathed shakily.

“We’ve discussed this,” said Frankie. “I know.”

Gerard rubbed his eyes. “I’m sorry.”

Frankie made sure the sheets were above zir chest and turned to Gerard, hand in zir hair. “Don’t apologize,” ze said indignantly, feeling a speech coming on. “Sex isn’t compulsory and the lack of it doesn’t make the connection we have any less real, and great, and important.”

Frankie touched Gerard’s chest and he closed his eyes but reached for zir hand and held it there. A good sign, Frankie thought.

“So don’t feel ashamed or embarrassed for not wanting it at any moment,” Frankie went on softly. “If something is wrong, just say something or stop it like you did and we stop.” Frankie took a deep breath. “We could not have sex ever and that’s okay. I still…like you a whole lot.”

“But I want to,” Gerard said shyly. He wasn’t quite as hard as he had been 5 minutes ago but hey. He looked at Frankie’s red face and neck. “You want to.” Ze shrugged. “I’ll get over it, okay?”

“If that’s what you want. But know our relationship doesn’t have any less value because you aren’t comfortable with my body.”

“Doesn’t it bother you that I’m not?”

“Yes but it bothers you so we’re even.”

Frankie smiled. Was that supposed to be a joke? Gerard was freaking out. He couldn’t touch his partner even though he so wanted to. But he took a moment to think about everything that Frankie had said, as zir smile stupidly widened, and he let his head fall back as he laughed. Ze scooted closer to him and Gerard lifted his arm to allow zir. Then ze kissed his chest, drew circles on his belly, kept zir legs bent and zir middle far from his.

“It’s not a big deal,” Frankie insisted. Ze slipped under the sheets. “And, I mean…I can still…”

“Whoa!” Gerard said, lifting the sheets over Frankie’s head. He almost laughed. Ze looked up at him, startled, and left a kiss a little higher this time, on his belly.

“If you want me to,” Frankie said guiltily. Ze rolled away again, sitting up on the bed and looking at him curiously.

Ze looked so small like that, hugging a knee to zir chest and looking at Gerard expectantly. This time it wasn’t about not wanting zir. A mouth was a mouth, as far as Gerard was concerned—they’d been making out for long enough—and on any normal occasion he would not turn down a blow job. But oral sex was, in Gerard’s humble opinion, one of the greater ideas that humanity came up with, and he generally liked to reciprocate. Glaring problem.

“That wouldn’t be fair,” Gerard said. Frankie raised zir eyebrows and looked down. Gerard held his dick, willing it to just _not_ because it _wasn’t happening_. “You getting me off without me getting you off?”

“It’s not about fairness,” Frankie said amusedly. Ze lied back down again, zir eyes on Gerard’s hand on his crotch. Then zir own hands on zir chest and zir crotch. “I like sucking cock.”

Gerard held his breath, watching zir touch zirself. “You are very aware of how sexy you are.”

“We could masturbate together,” Frankie rasped, pushing up into zir hand. Ze watched Gerard for a reaction, some indication that this show was doing it for him, and his eyes were wide. His hand was moving.

“We could,” he said so silently.

“Awesome.”

Frankie got some lube from zir bedside table. (“It tingles,” ze said excitedly before passing it to Gerard.) Then ze covered zir bottom half with the sheets and the rest was left to Gerard’s imagination. But Frankie was quickly breathing shakily, moving zir hand under the sheets, and ze stared right at Gerard, eyes dark. He swallowed nervously, getting his own hand on his dick with a little bit of lube.

But what was really getting him going was the way Frankie’s eyes couldn’t seemed to stay open as ze touched zirself, the way zir hips jerked this way and that, the sighs of his name that escaped zir lips with more frequency and urgency. Gerard swore as he stroked his own cock, sighing into zir shoulder. The room was filled with their shaky breaths and slick sounds. Gerard reached his free hand into zir hair and turned zir to face him and they kissed, hips and hands moving, breaths jagged against each other. Gerard came first and he only had a second to feel embarrassed for soiling his underwear, for creating this situation where they were so far apart when they were together, before Frankie moaned loudly and stilled.

Gerard studied zir face, the corners of zir lips turning up as ze lied back and relaxed. Ze opened one eye and they laughed at each other. They wiped their hands with some tissue and kissed, closer than before, closer now that everything was calm.


	12. Chapter 12

Frankie was free of appointments the next Thursday afternoon so ze pulled out a foldable chair from the back (why did they even have one?) and sat at Bob’s desk playing some tower defense game or something. Anyway, ze was killing aliens and it was fun as long as Bob stopped trying to ask why Frankie was so damn happy.

“You got laid,” he said. “Did it finally happen? You took Gerard’s V-card?”

“He’s not a—” Frankie started, only to shriek at the sight of the purple masses taking over zir ship. “GET THE HELL AWAY, YOU MONSTERS! It’s none of your business, Bryar.”

“I’m the Secretary, everything’s my business.”

“Don’t speak that way to the person that signs your paychecks.”

“I sign his paychecks.”

Frankie turned for half a second to see Jamia standing at the end of the hall, arms folded and brow high. Ze had better things to do than to acknowledge her, though, so ze went back to reconquering zir land, stupidly ignoring Bob’s advice, until, well, ze died, and Bob cried at the ceiling. Frankie kissed the top of his devastated head and slipped past Jamia to zir work station. Jamia followed.

They hadn’t really spoken much since the nerdathon which sucked because this was Frankie’s best friend but ze knew exactly what would be said when they spoke if they spoke of Gerard and of course they would. Frankie busied zirself with zir instruments, which were clean and set up for the client Frankie was not expecting. Jamia stepped inside the work station and leaned against the door.

“So you still haven’t had sex?” Jamia said.

Frankie sat on zir stool and turned to Jamia with zir arms crossed.

“You’ve been dating, what, a month?” Jamia went on, that same concerned friend voice she’d been using in all their interactions that mentioned Gerard.

“Five weeks,” Frankie said noncommittally.

But ze bit zir lip and narrowed zir eyes in that _okay I really need to tell you this_ way that made Jamia jump into the chair and lean forward. So ze explained, quickly, what happened the other night, because this was Jamia and Frankie always felt a rush talking to her about these things and ze really wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt.

“You still haven’t had sex and it has become your job to make Gerard feel better about his insecurities,” Jamia scoffed, throwing herself back in the chair. So much for that. “I can tell it’s bothering you. You won’t tell him it’s bothering you the same way you didn’t tell him that his mom potentially misspelling your pronouns bothered you.”

Jamia was right. She knew Frankie better than Frankie even did. But ze didn’t want to hear it. Ze rubbed zir face. “Sometimes it’s what you have to do when you’re dating someone,” ze said. “Try to understand them, be there for them, make them better.”

“You’re making him better or he’s making you worse,” Jamia said, slightly amused.

Frankie dropped zir hands in frustration. “What do you want, Jamia?”

“Do you have teal? I just ran out and I need some for my next—”

Frankie waved at zir desk where all the paints were. Jamia got up and leaned over the paints, giving Frankie an impressive view down her blouse. Frankie held zir breath and looked away. Jamia kissed zir cheek before leaving.

Meanwhile, Gerard was pacing Mikey’s dorm room in Staten Island because Mikey decided to go to school in fucking Staten Island. Pete was swiveling at Mikey’s desk reading the bible (this whole scene was blowing Gerard’s mind) and Mikey was just watching his brother curiously.

“I don’t have anything to add to that conversation,” Mikey said, swinging his legs on his bed. “Hey, can you step on my roommate’s clothes some more? He keeps eating my peanut butter.”

Gerard glanced at his brother with narrowed eyes and stepped onto the obstacles he’d been avoiding. Mikey smiled approvingly. Pete murmured as he flipped a flimsy page.

“You know way more about this stuff than I do,” Gerard whined. “What do you mean you have nothing to add?”

“‘And the Lord said unto him…’” Pete read.

“Mikey, why are you taking a bible class? Did we not get drilled enough growing up?”

“I’m not taking a bible class,” Mikey said.

There was a split second where Gerard and Mikey looked at each other like they’d never met and spoke almost telepathically: Gerard’s eyes narrowed, asking, _Why the hell do you have a bible, then?_ while Mikey’s single raised brow said, _That’s not what’s important right now._ Then Gerard stomped extra hard on one of Mikey’s roommate’s shirts.

“I don’t understand why you’re freaking out,” Mikey said. “Ze was very understanding and accommodating. Ze sounds amazing, honestly. Best person you’ve dated in my opinion.”

Gerard paused for a moment. Then he paced some more, much to Mikey’s pleasure, and thought about it. Frankie was understanding and accommodating but Gerard wished ze didn’t have to be. He bit his nails, slipped on a sneaker, and kicked it across the room.

“I’m not doing your dirty work anymore,” Gerard said, plopping onto Mikey’s bed and lying over his lap. Mikey played with his hair.

“You always do this and you have to stop,” Mikey said softly. “Frankie’s perfect for you. You cling to things that hurt you so you have an excuse to end it later. Don’t do that. You’re happy. Let yourself be happy.”

Gerard blinked at the Jimi Hendrix poster on the opposite wall. “You go to church?” he finally asked.

“We go together,” Pete said.

“ _You go to church with your boyfriend and I can’t have sex with my partner?_ ”

Mikey petted Gerard’s head some more.

“I just wanna be everything ze needs,” Gerard said. “Because ze deserves everything. Ze gives me everything.”

“Stop with the pedestal, first of all,” Pete said. Gerard glared. “Everything can’t be terrible and perfect at the same time. You wanna fuck zir. Your body ain’t about that yet. So learn zir body. You know almost everything else about zir. Why not? Mikey goes to church with me, because I never spent Saturday nights with him and he wanted to change that.”

“It’s true,” Mikey said, nodding. “I kinda like it. It’s calming. Not like when we were kids.”

“So, like…” Pete went on. Gerard looked up when Pete didn’t say anything and he just saw a shrug. “Take the chance ze gave you. Let whatever happens happen.”

“That is distressing advice,” Gerard said. He turned away and this time spoke to Mikey. “I approve of your boyfriend.”

Mikey beamed. “Isn’t he great?” he said.

Pete kept reading the bible. Gerard almost thought about God but there were really only so many existential crises you can handle in a week.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You thought I forgot, didn't you?
> 
> Just a general note that I might. I'm back in school (and if you are soon, too, maybe the odds be in your favor) and I'll have a TON of work to do soon.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For Laura <3
> 
> I wonder why this chapter is longer than usual.

Masturbating together got less and less satisfying every night for three nights straight though Gerard wouldn’t say and despite Frankie seeming to enjoy it very much. Ze was so enthusiastic and Gerard knew ze was putting on a show for him. But they kissed and they held each other and the last time Gerard even put his hand over zirs, trying to give himself the courage to continue. When he couldn’t, ze still came with his hand on zir like that and Frankie immediately turned Gerard’s masturbating to a lubed-up hand job. Then Gerard thought about what Pete said, about learning Frankie, and he had an idea.

Another night out, this one with much less drinking. Just two each, Frankie counted. Gerard didn’t want more, which meant he wanted to be reasonably sober when they got home. So Frankie stopped drinking, and they smirked at each other at some point. They held hands under the table. Pete slept on Mikey’s lap, head back on his shoulder, tuckered out by tequila shots. Bob and James did a rousing rendition of “My Girl” by the Temptations for Jamia, who covered her blush with two hands when not behind a wine glass. Gerard wowed the crowd with Destiny’s Child’s “Say My Name,” improvised dance moves included, which had everyone at his table laughing raucously. Even Jamia. So it was a good evening.

On the empty train to Frankie’s edge of Brooklyn, Gerard and Frankie sat at the end of the car. Frankie’s legs were draped over Gerard’s lap. He held zir hand and traced the tattoos on zir arms.

“How come we never went to your place before last week?” Gerard asked.

“I don’t know, I…” Frankie said. Ze blushed deeply, staring at their hands. “I guess I like keeping to myself a lot and…”

“It’s a mess,” Gerard concluded.

“I cleaned!”

Gerard laughed and kissed zir. They kissed on the walk from the station to zir apartment. They slipped off their shoes with their arms around each other. Gerard turned on the living room lamp; it was cleaner, relatively, but it didn’t really matter. They marched together, kissing and holding each other, Gerard leading Frankie to zir room. Just inside, Gerard turned the light switch.

Frankie dropped zir hands to zir sides, confused. Gerard eyed zir hungrily, like that night before, but they wouldn’t get much done with the light on. Gerard held the bottom of Frankie’s short black skirt, drew his fingernails up zir thighs; Frankie held zir breath as he moved his hands up zir sides, under zir blouse. He smiled and kissed zir nose, zir forehead, zir ears, his hands climbing zir back all the while. Ze held onto his biceps and waited to understand.

But he pulled away only to unbutton zir blouse. Frankie moved zir arms to cover zirself, subconsciously self-conscious. Gerard held zir neck, kissed zir, slid his hands down to zir shoulders. Zir hands dropped and so did the blouse, Gerard’s hands following the sleeves down to zirs which he held. Frankie was suddenly very aware of every inch of zir not covered by clothing and of the parts of zir Gerard had so delicately touched.

“I wanna get to know you better,” Gerard said, less like zir boyfriend and more like a charming acquaintance. Frankie smiled at the sweetness in his eyes and reached behind zirself with shaky hands to undo zir bra clasp. Ze pulled the lacy black bra down zir arms and carelessly threw it aside.

And there were Gerard’s hands again. Moving over zir back, touching every part of zir he’d never felt bare. Ze tensed, just watching him. He kissed zir throat, his hands moving down the inside of zir arms. Then his kisses trailed down, stopping at zir chest as his hands met his lips there. Frankie held zir breath. There was something sensual about this, caught somewhere between loving and sexual. Gerard gave Frankie’s nipples a little attention while his hands trailed down, splayed on zir belly, and Frankie moaned as he put just the right amount of pressure with his mouth, tongue, teeth. But he was soon moving down again, to his knees.

Frankie’s top half was electric with belonging to Gerard. Ze loved it. Ze held his shoulders as he carefully examined zir hips, kissing around the tattoos on zir belly as he tugged his fingers under zir skirt. Then the skirt was around zir ankles and ze felt exposed and nervous but secure under Gerard’s gaze. Frankie kicked the skirt aside. Gerard helped zir out of zir socks. A kiss inside zir ankles, then zir legs, his hands snaking around them like silk as he touched all of zir.

Gerard felt Frankie shaking. It must’ve been a good thing because ze sighed as he made his delicate movements. Learning zir. Ze was in cotton panties, which Gerard avoided looking at or touching. Instead he lifted one of zir legs and draped it over his shoulder, making zir squeal and grab onto him more firmly. His fingers grazed in and around zir thighs; zir breaths quickened. Then he kissed the inside of zir thighs, first little suckling pecks then bruising bites. Zir little moans encouraged him, turned him on.

Finally he ventured to kiss around zir crotch. Frankie swore, pressing zir palm hard into his shoulder. Gerard stroked zir thighs, dipping his head lower, pressing his lips between zir legs. Frankie moaned and moved forward and Gerard firmly held onto zir. He wasn’t disgusted at all, like he expected to be. He was infatuated.

“Gerard…” Frankie said, sounding broken up. “Please.”

Gerard looked up. Frankie’s eyes were glassy and wide. Gerard stood up, slowing pulling his shirt over his head. Frankie got onto zir bed knees first, tugging Gerard forward by his belt. Ze kissed him frantically, undoing his belt and flinging it away. Gerard tugged on zir hair, pulled zir hard against him as his jeans fell, then his underwear. Frankie pulled away for a moment, breathing wildly and with a question in zir eyes. Gerard nodded. Frankie kissed him again, stroking his cock, and Gerard moaned as he crawled onto bed with zir.

“Please, please, fuck,” Frankie said as Gerard kissed zir neck. He moved a hand down between them and then they were both moving against each other’s hands, moaning into the other’s hair, holding on. Their mouths met again and Frankie moved zir arms around Gerard, still moving against him for a moment before falling back and sliding up on the bed.

“Are we?” Frankie asked breathlessly.

“I want to,” Gerard said, nodding.

Frankie got what they needed from the bedside table drawer, plucked a couple pillows from underneath zir head to place under zir hips. Gerard shuffled forward, stroking zir thighs, staring. Nervous. Frankie told zirself over and over that they might stop but ze was just so turned on that ze pushed the thought from zir mind. Especially when Gerard hooked his fingers into the waistband of zir panties and tugged them down zir legs. His breath caught in his throat. Frankie waited.

Ze offered him the condom. He took it. Ze uncapped the lube and took care of zirself, Gerard watching for a moment before leaning down and…fucking kissing zir hand that was inside zir, then zir hips, zir thighs, and it was a strange sort of intimacy that crawled wonderfully under Frankie’s skin and had zir buck against zir hand. Gerard tugged Frankie’s hand away, slipped the condom on, leaned over zir. They stared at each other, naked on the sheets with the light on, and they were obviously both so nervous. But they kissed each other knowingly, their hands on each other. They pressed their foreheads together, breathing deeply, and Frankie stroked Gerard’s neck with zir thumb. Ze nodded. Gerard sighed nervously and moved forward.

“Fucking…” Gerard said in a shocked exhale and Frankie chuckled softly, raising zir hips to meet him. His eyes were shut tight, just feeling, moving shallowly to get used to the novelty of it. Of zir. He opened his eyes wide and stared at zir; Frankie cupped his face with both hands and stared at him in that strange way ze did that made Gerard feel like he could do anything. He moved deeper inside zir and Frankie gasped, closing zir eyes for a moment longer than a blink. He got a hand on zir shoulder, another on zir leg, and he held zir just right to ease the next snap of his hips.

It was Frankie’s turn to swear this time, relishing in the gentle sway of pleasure that Gerard brought in his movements. He kissed zir clavicle. Frankie urged zir hips up to meet him again and they both moaned. These deep, slow movements were driving Frankie crazy and ze grasped his neck, clawed lightly at his back, legs finding purchase around his hips. They moved faster. Gerard breathed jaggedly against zir chest and Frankie murmured encouragements, squeezing, scratching as Gerard clutched zir.

“Yeah, babe, yeah, just…” ze was saying between soft moans. “Doin’ so good. So fucking good, so…” Then ze couldn’t speak anymore because Gerard, suddenly confident, took it upon himself to lift zir just slightly, hands at zir hips. Deep and slow turned into deep and fast and Frankie cried out. Ze clutched the sheets with one hand, looked at Gerard with wide eyes, but his eyes were closed as he whimpered zir name, _Fran-kie_. Ze clutched his hair with the other hand and he suckled on zir neck as their shaking, sweaty bodies moved against each other.

Ze got a hand between them to get zirself off. Gerard was kissing zir cheek, then zir lips, then they were breathing jaggedly into each other, every slide of Gerard’s cock in and out of zir garnering a whimper from Frankie and a gruff exhale from Gerard. They were moving so frantically that Frankie’s head was getting closer to the headboard until it promptly hit it and there was a fraction of a second where Gerard looked concerned but ze was laughing and then he was laughing. They held each other then, Gerard reaching a hand down to help zir come, and as their lips met for a frantic kiss, ze pleaded to Gerard first with words, _please, harder, so close_ , then with the swift rise of zir hips, the press of zir fingers, the way ze squeezed around him.

Ze threw zir head back as ze came and when Gerard started to slow, ze shook zir head, held him close, _Don’t you dare fucking stop Gerard I swear to God please_ , and Gerard kept at that rough and deep and quick pace as ze got oversensitive and he got closer to coming with the encouraging tug of zir body’s spasms. He drew his hands up to zir shoulders as his rhythm faltered and another broken moan from Frankie sent him right over, recoiled in his belly and shattered, sending his orgasm through him like an unexpected wave. Then he just floated there, their bodies so close, breathing harshly into each other’s ears.

“That wasn’t s’bad,” Gerard said after a moment.

“Hell no it wasn’t,” Frankie murmured sleepily.

Gerard rolled off of Frankie, who squealed and escaped under the covers. Gerard tossed away the used condom and crawled under to find zir. Under the sheets, they took a moment to melt into each other, all naked and sweaty and warm. Frankie stretched like a cat and held Gerard close and between kisses, Gerard noticed zir huge smile.

“You are smiling real big,” Gerard said

“I just…” Frankie said, shrugged. “I feel so good. Like, in my body right now.”

“Happens after good sex.”

Frankie narrowed zir eyes. “I like when you’re confident.”

Ze got out from under the covers with the sheets still high on zir chest, as if showing much more of zir naked body with the light on would be shameful. Ze picked at the sheets, moving zir body giddily. Gerard held zir waist and brought just his head outside, which he rested on zir shoulder.

“It’s just that…” Frankie started, grasping for the right words, “so often, I feel uncomfortable in my own body and you just…the way you…” The ceiling didn’t seem to have the answers to what ze needed to say, as much as ze stared at it with wide and pleading eyes. Ze took a deep breath and thought of the way Gerard had kissed and touched zir, the fact that this was probably the first time Frankie had had sex with the lights on and enjoyed it, thought about Gerard holding zir now and how very few things made zir feel like zir body was not made up of flaw after flaw.

“Thank you,” Frankie said shyly. Gerard smiled, a little confused, and kissed zir shoulder. Frankie had to ask. “Why’d you turn the light on?”

“Why’d you want it off?” Gerard shot back immediately. Frankie gave him a look. “I said I wanted to get to know you.”

Frankie closed zir eyes and rested zir head back, satisfied. There was another moment of calm, happy silence.

“I need a cigarette,” Gerard finally said.

“I need a snack,” said Frankie.

Frankie quickly stole Gerard’s shirt to run to the kitchen and left Gerard to chase zir while wrapped in a dress made out of the bedcovers.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This morning, I thought, "Hey, I have to update today." Then I realized it was Tuesday. And...oh.
> 
> INSERT FORMAL APOLOGY.
> 
> I had a really busy, stressful day yesterday following a busy, stressful week, which is why I forgot. I had to choose between doing some homework before class or updating this afternoon...and here we are! Priorities, right?
> 
> <3

Frankie didn’t tell Jamia. One Friday evening they decided to have an anti-boy night: no boyfriends or coworkers or boyfriends’ brother’s boyfriends. Just Frankie and Jamia, like it was when they met as freshmen in high school and Frankie was just eccentric enough to get along with everybody but have no friends and Jamia was just nice enough to snag Frankie and claim zir as her bestie.

Anyway, Frankie was itching to tell Jamia. Frankie told Jamia everything. She was the first person ze ran to when zir parents divorced, the first person ze came out to, the first person ze told that ze was dropping out. They were sitting on the steps in Union Square and Jamia was excitedly telling Frankie about the trip to Florida she was taking for her brother’s wedding. Frankie wanted to tell her. But Jamia knew that she was the last person Frankie had sex with before Gerard. So maybe just…no.

“What’s on your mind?” Jamia asked, tapping Frankie’s foot with the toe of her sneaker.

“Nothing,” Frankie said. “I’m just thinking about how excited you are now but how miserable you’ll be when you actually get there and remember you hate places that have the climatic ability to grow palm trees.”

Jamia scoffed and shoved Frankie away. Ze chuckled and then Jamia grabbed zir hand. They walked over to the subway. Jamia only let go of Frankie’s hand long enough for them to get through the turnstiles and on the train to Brooklyn; she sat on Frankie’s lap because there weren’t many free seats. Frankie didn’t think it was weird. But Gerard would. Ze tried not to think about that.

“So I have this client, Henry,” Frankie started, “who’s really into body mods.”

“I saw that guy!” Jamia exclaimed. “Rad fucking horns.”

“Oh, it’s amazing. And kinda scary.”

They talked about their clients while holding hands through Brooklyn. They walked aimlessly, first kind of toward Jamia’s place then kind of toward Frankie’s. Then it was evident they were going nowhere, sweaty hands clamped together until they got to a red light and Frankie skipped around Jamia, reaching for her other hand. Jamia laughed and grasped zir hand. It felt so good to feel comfortable with her again.

“Gerard wouldn’t like this,” Jamia said.

“Gerard isn’t here,” Frankie said. Jamia smiled smugly. “He’s graduating soon, you know. He wants you there.”

Jamia scoffed. “Why?”

“Because you’re my best friend and he knows fighting over me is childish.”

They walked in silence for a few minutes. It was kind of a true; Frankie wanted Jamia there and Gerard was resistant to the idea until Frankie suggested it could be a kind of truce. Gerard spends so much damn time in Jamia’s business establishment; he could share a big part of his life with her as well. But it was easier to just say it was all Gerard.

Jamia paused in front of a grocery store and looked at their joined hands. “Your nail polish is atrocious,” she said.

“I’m not wearing any—”

“Exactly!”

Frankie groaned as Jamia dragged zir into the store for chips and dip and they fell into what they inevitably always fell into: marathoning a show they’d seen a billion times while feeding each other and painting their nails. It required a special kind of delicacy to eat and paint one’s nails and Jamia was excessively better than Frankie at it.

“I have crumbs in the black,” ze said, looking at zir thumb. “It’s… It looks like stars.”

“You look like stars,” Jamia said. Frankie kicked zir, making her spread green nail polish over zir knuckle. Ze really hadn’t been this happy in a long time.

They fell asleep on the couch like that, feet to face, and they made banana pancakes in the morning before going to work together.

That next morning, Gerard was in that drawing class he’d stupidly flunked sophomore year because he kept skipping. They were finishing the drawing of a model and Gerard, on one of a dozen stools set up in a circle around the room facing a table in the center, was uncomfortable. Not because of the nudity but because of the model’s sex. He mentally and automatically compared the person to Frankie; he couldn’t focus thinking of zir.

Of zir body; of how it was different from this one. Of the contours, of the scars on which he focused a lot of attention. Discoloration, moles, pimples, stretchmarks. Frankie laying on zir side just like that, facing him confidently. Zir shaky, high-pitched exhale rang through Gerard’s head as the model breathed. The shivery little movements that turned Frankie’s body from a separate creature to something, someone unmistakably necessary to Gerard’s body. The way Gerard changed zir, if only briefly, leaving zir warm and pink and covered in a thin layer of sweat, dimples appearing when ze smiled and stretched. Mouth-shaped bruises like a marker of where Gerard had been. Light scratches like a reminder that Gerard could hurt zir and that maybe ze would like it, welcome it. Under the right circumstances.

Finally, how he felt different. And he wasn’t sure how okay that was.

He tried to imagine touching the model even remotely like he touched Frankie, like he fantasized of zir, but found he couldn’t; he couldn’t imagine anyone like Frankie but Frankie like that.

He drew with shaking hands and heavy sighs. This had to get easier.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two things:
> 
> 1) I apologize for not updating at all last week. I did warn that could happen. That busy, stressful week turned into a positively awful week so I really couldn't find the time to update.
> 
> 2) As for the weekly update thing: it appears it's easier for me to find time on Tuesdays to update so I'll shoot for that. In the meantime, I will try to continue updating weekly. But, again, sometimes things get in the way. So I'm sorry to keep you waiting!
> 
> I hope you like this one ;)
> 
> <3

“So are you, like…normally not comfortable in your body?”

Gerard’s expression turned completely horrified when ze saw how Frankie’s eyebrows went up. He was sitting in the chair in Frankie’s work station while ze sat in zir stool. It was a slow day. They’d been talking for much of an hour about themselves, together, each other. How Gerard felt sleeping with Frankie that one time, why they hadn’t done it since, what their sex lives would be like. Short answer: good, Gerard wanted to slow down, and hopefully better soon. They had settled on the subject of what Frankie had said that night.

“I’m sorry, I—” Gerard started but Frankie immediately raised zir hand to stop him.

“I’m trans,” ze said. Gerard’s brow furrowed. “It comes with the territory. Most of the time, especially after the changes I went through last year, I’m okay. But I have my bad days.”

“Trans, you… Does that mean you’d…”

Gerard gestured vaguely to Frankie’s crotch and ze laughed.

“No, I’m not getting any surgeries or hormones,” ze said. “I’m not…one or the other.” Frankie waved zir hand dismissively. “I’m in between, outside. I’m…some weird fucking nonexistent thing.”

Gerard shook his head, feeling defensive. “That’s not true. And it’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

“I know! I don’t need the reminder.”

“Don’t you?”

Frankie had that look in zir eyes again, like when Gerard was undressing zir and zir eyes got all teary. But this look wasn’t hopeful; it was sad, lonely. Frankie shook zir head, zir jaw clenching as ze forced a tight smile. Ze looked at zir black and blue finger nails.

“Sometimes,” Frankie said, in a voice that sounded as if ze was pained. Ze cleared zir throat and looked at Gerard carefully. “But not…so explicitly.”

“Maybe like I kissed you?” Gerard asked, offering zir his hand. Ze took it and stood, sighing when he kissed zir wrist. “Your body?” he went on, pulling zir into his lap and kissing zir throat.

“Yeah,” ze sighed, curling into him.

“I do love all of you.”

Gerard kissed each of zir individual fingers in turn and Frankie closed zir eyes. He drew up zir sweater sleeve and kissed the inside of zir elbow, a surprisingly sensitive patch of skin that is rarely acknowledged. Frankie didn’t understand why it was making zir so emotional, Gerard’s loving kisses on zir skin, but it was and ze was full of a strange feeling like adrenaline or excitement. It was exhilarating.

“You love me or just my body?” Frankie asked.

Gerard paused to look at Frankie’s face, that weird anxious glint in his eyes fading as he smiled. “I love you,” he said, so softly that Frankie would’ve missed it if not for how it made zir heart flutter.

“I love you too,” ze replied.

“Milestones?”

Frankie laughed. “Fucking say it again.”

“I love you.”

They kissed like they just told each other they loved each other for the first time. Frankie was very much in Gerard’s lap so ze swiveled zir hips. He moaned in surprise and broke away from zir to give zir a questioning look. Ze moved so ze was straddling his lap and they kissed aggressively. They rubbed awkwardly against each other but Gerard was getting hard. Frankie noticed, of course, and first slithered zir hand down. Then ze slithered zir body down, got on zir knees on the ground, and opened Gerard’s jeans.

“I don’t want you to blow me until I’m sure I can reciprocate,” Gerard reminded zir.

“You don’t understand,” Frankie said, palming Gerard through the cotton. Gerard sighed gruffly. “I really want to suck your cock.”

“Why do you say things like that?”

“I have zero shame.”

Gerard was red like a fucking tomato when he said, “Fine, suck my cock,” and Frankie laughed as ze pulled his underwear down.

“Don’t say that like it’s not something you absolutely want,” Frankie said.

Ze leaned over Gerard’s lap as ze stroked his cock. Ze kissed his thighs in turn then there was a long, pressing, teasing stroke of zir tongue over the head. Gerard whimpered at the pleased look in Frankie’s eyes. Ze pulled back enough to shush him then took him into zir mouth, leaned down. Gerard curled a hand into the hair at the back of Frankie’s neck, his breath growing jagged as ze rhythmically moved zir head up and down. Ze hollowed zir cheeks and sucked, stroked zir hand at the base, moved zir palm down. It was all slow and delicate and teasing and Gerard was practically cross-eyed, feeling dragged out.

“Frankie, you got a walk-in!” said Bob at absolutely the worse moment possible.

Gerard moaned, immediately biting a knuckle to suppress any other sound, as Frankie swallowed around him. Frankie hummed as ze slowly dragged zir lips up and off his dick. Gerard sighed shakily.

“Five minutes!” ze called, voice hoarse.

There was no fucking around after that. Gerard swore against his knuckles, gripping Frankie’s hair tighter, as ze moved zir head up and down faster, zir hand still teasing at the base as ze stroked his belly. Ze took him down zir throat more often than not and ze gagged but kept going, eyes watering, as Gerard shook on the leather seat. Gerard pulled zir long locks particularly hard and ze groaned pleasurably, the sound and the feeling of zir making it sending him right over the edge.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck…” Gerard said, leaning forward, coming down Frankie’s throat. Frankie kept moaning softly as Gerard held zir down, writhing on the seat. He fell back and stared at the ceiling, stroking Frankie’s hair almost apologetically.

“Fuck yes,” Frankie said, voice all husky and used. Ze rubbed Gerard’s thigh. “I’m gonna give you twenty seconds and then I have to run to the bathroom.”

Twenty seconds later, ze ran to the bathroom feeling pleased with zirself and Gerard went to the front. Ze washed zir hands, drank some water, coughed a little. Ze thought about Gerard writhing and coming under zir hand, in zir mouth, and ze smiled at the mirror image of zirself as ze slicked zir hair back with water. That was so awesome. Ze felt so awesome. Ze hoped Gerard felt awesome. The only problem was that now ze was horny and had to deal with a client, but…ze would survive it.

Gerard was looking smug on the couch when Frankie finally showed to gather zir walk-in. They shared a secret smile, both secretly thankful that Jamia was gone to Florida for a few days. Bob glared between them with narrowed eyes. Frankie practically skipped down the hall with zir walk-in and Bob waited for them to disappear before speaking up.

“Did you guys just fuck?” Bob asked.

Gerard brought his index finger to his lips. Bob laughed, shook his head, muttered something judgmental, and Gerard lied down across the couch. He thought about that model in class and about having sex with Frankie, the way ze felt, the way ze looked. He thought about reciprocating.

“Okay, but, if you’re doing this definitely do it,” Frankie said.

They were at Gerard’s this time because Gerard had an early class the following day and he’d missed his own bed. Frankie suspected also that maybe he wanted a familiar setting to get down to business and go down on Frankie but ze wouldn’t dare say. In fact, ze said almost nothing: after the walk-in, they felt so magnetically close to each other that they made out on zir leather chair and both reached inside zir pants to get zir off, Gerard whispering, “I’m gonna suck you until you’re shaking,” and it was super cheesy. Frankie came laughing.

Now, ze was on zir back with Gerard between zir legs. He looked nervous. He added a second finger and Frankie rotated zir hips against the welcome intrusion. He looked down at zir like ze was some kind of marvel, eyebrows momentarily rising whenever Frankie jerked against his fingers. Then he got himself comfortable, nodding as his response to zir, and his mouth was right fucking there.

“Don’t…oh,” Frankie said. Another finger. “Ah, don’t stop midway all freaked…” Zir jaw fell open. Gerard’s mouth was on zir. Ze turned zir head to the side and breathed steadily as he worked his mouth and tongue, fingers still stroking zir insides. “F-freaked out,” ze tried but as awkward as Gerard was being, slow unsure movements and hesitation, it was something, and Frankie moved one hand from the headboard to take his hair and guide his head.

“Fuck, just don’t stop,” ze said when Gerard started to get more enthusiastic. Ze whimpered as he seemed to get the hints from the movements of zir hips, the way ze held him down, “Like that, like that…” Frankie squeaked, trying to be reassuring but quickly falling apart. “Don’t stop. Don’t… Ah. Ahaha. Ahhh.”

Frankie writhed on the mattress, working against Gerard, working him inside zir, pleased by the way he moaned and matching him, telling him what to do when he wasn’t quite there. It didn’t take long, just because it had been so long since someone had down this for Frankie and ze had all but given up hope that Gerard ever would. Ze came whimpering Gerard’s name like ze always did and lied there breathless as Gerard eased away from zir.

“I’m gonna go clean up,” Gerard said shyly. Frankie waved him off, still kind of dazed and taking a minute before pulling zir underwear back on.

For a moment, ze felt concerned thinking that something was wrong. But Gerard returned quickly and they crawled under the covers, Gerard holding Frankie from behind.

“I’m so glad I got to do that for you,” Gerard murmured happily, kissing Frankie’s shoulder.

“We can fuck later if you want,” Frankie said sleepily.

Gerard laughed. A good sign.


	16. Chapter 16

They didn’t actually fall asleep. Frankie hoped nothing was actually wrong but Gerard was tense behind zir. Eventually, Gerard moved away and sighed at the ceiling. Frankie turned to him and smiled, drawing circles on his clothed chest. What the heck was he thinking?

“Can I ask a question?” Gerard said.

“Always,” Frankie said, rolling zir eyes. They’d discussed this.

“Am I…bisexual?”

Gerard looked at Frankie shyly, like he always did when he asked a question that made him feel stupid. He’d decided that he very much liked sex with zir but that decision was huge. Ze turned toward him and zir mouth was hanging open. When it slowly closed ze was smiling. Ze obviously didn’t understand the existential crisis that started the moment he washed away the taste of zir.

“I don’t have the authority to answer that,” Frankie said, sounding amused.

“Who does?” Gerard asked curiously. There a website he could go to maybe…?

Frankie smacked Gerard’s chest, as if trying to get that thought out of his head. “You!” ze said. Gerard’s eyes were huge. “Sexual orientation isn’t about fitting into a box, it’s about finding something that you are comfortable with when you need it. Take my gender identity.” Frankie gestured vaguely to zirself. “I’m genderfluid because not having a word for it, not understanding myself, was destroying me, and now I feel…better.” Ending with a shrug.

“Okay…” Gerard bit his lip thoughtfully for a moment. Frankie was smiling, one of those genuinely happy smiles that Gerard had grown to love seeing from zir. “Well, what do you identify as?”

“I just said.”

It was Gerard’s turn to roll his eyes. “No, your sexuality,” he clarified.

Looking startled, Frankie said, “I…don’t.”

“What?”

“I don’t really consider myself…” Another shrug. “I don’t label it. I don’t feel like I need to.”

“Great.”

Gerard rubbed his eyes. He felt exposed despite the light being off, the shades being down, and his body basically covered from head to toe. Frankie drew closer to him, trying to think of something reasonable to say to calm him. Ze stroked his arm and brought it down around zir, resting zir head over his heart. It thrummed nervously. Zir boyfriend was having a crisis. What could ze say?

“But obviously you need to so you have to think about it and figure it out and that’s okay,” ze insisted. “You’re young. Sexuality is fluid.”

“I’m not that young,” Gerard grumbled childishly. He squeezed zir. Frankie chuckled.

“You’re a senior in college.”

“I started school late for the cutoff so I was older than everyone. And I got held back in 7th grade. And took a year off before college.”

Frankie leaned away from Gerard and hovered over him with zir hands on his chest. “You’re older than me!” ze exclaimed.

“You thought you were older?” Gerard said, grinning.

“I assumed you were 22! Oh my gosh!”

They laughed and Frankie fell back down onto him. He felt a little lighter. They lied in silence for a while, just holding each other.

“If I had to, I’d say bisexual,” Frankie decided.

“Why not pansexual?” Gerard asked.

Frankie shrugged. “I’ve yet to find a gender I am inherently sexually repulsed by but there’s also no way for me to know for sure… Like, for every person on this planet there is the possibility of a unique gender. Who am I to say I’m attracted to “all” genders? Pansexuality is an odd, unnecessary concept to me and bisexuality covers the bases well enough.” Frankie waved zir hand dismissively. “It could mean all, if I needed it to.”

“Don’t tell Mikey that. He will fight you.”

They laughed again but Frankie could tell that Gerard was still distracted. He looked away from zir, rubbing zir shoulder. He needed more from zir or wanted out of this conversation. Frankie took a deep breath, racking zir brain for what to do.

“There are two options, really,” ze spoke softly. “You seem very sexual so you’re not asexual. You can either identify as some orientation that covers many genders, like bisexual, or continue to identify as you used to. I can be an exception.”

“I don’t want you to be,” Gerard murmured, still looking away. Frankie was seriously going to get cavities spending too much time with this guy, he was so sweet.

“Just choose what you’re comfortable with, okay?” Frankie kissed his chest. “Your identity doesn’t define you, you define your identity.”

“I gotta think about it.”

“Okay.”

That was just dismissive enough that Frankie knew to drop it. Ze hoped Gerard was okay. It was making zir anxious thinking that their relationship was making him anxious. Ze was suddenly angry with zirself, for being what ze was. Ze moved away from him, turning away and onto zir side again. Gerard took his place behind zir.

“We should go to Governor’s Island,” he said.

“Dusty old houses off the coast of Manhattan,” Frankie said. “Sounds like fun.”

“We can bring a picnic and condoms.”

Frankie snorted a laugh. “Condoms?”

“Those houses are not just dusty and old. They are empty. We can fuck in every single one of them. Maybe scare some visiting schools.”

“You’re amazing,” Frankie said, immediately falling into a laughing fit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Filler-y.
> 
> How're midterms treatin' everyone?


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Greetings, friends.
> 
> I'm going to see Gerard Way and the Hormones next week and I'm really excited! Also, this story has almost 2000 hits! Amazing.
> 
> Enjoy <3

Suit shopping for graduation with your baby brother was about as exciting as it sounded. But it gave them an opportunity to talk about stuff and Mikey wanted every single detail about Gerard’s sex life. He was vague. The fact that Frankie and Gerard had developed a healthy, if occasionally hesitant, sex life was definitely a big deal. But Gerard was in freaking love and that never happened.

“The L word?” Mikey exclaimed from the stall next door. “Nice! Pete and I aren’t even there yet. Well, he’s not.”

They walked out of the stalls and stood in front of the large mirror in the hall. Gerard’s suit was too blue. Mikey’s was comically big. Gerard gave his brother a look.

“Don’t look at me like that. He has commitment issues,” Mikey murmured. “It’s fine.”

Gerard raised a brow.

“NO. You come to me with your ridiculous not-problems, not the other way around.”

They reentered their stalls. Gerard tried on a slightly less blue suit while Mikey, presumably, tried on a slightly smaller one. Mikey wasn’t taking this seriously, anyway; it wasn’t his graduation and he was just tagging along on this shopping gig.

“Ze said ze was trans,” Gerard said.

“Mmhmm,” said Mikey muffled voice.

“I thought ze was genderfluid?”

“Well, ze identifies as genderfluid but it falls under the trans umbrella.”

Gerard’s head was seriously starting to hurt with all this terminology and overlap. “Elaborate please.”

“Did you do any research at all?” Mikey asked, sounding exasperated and right outside Gerard’s door. “Do you ask zir questions?”

“I don’t want to bother…” Gerard started to say. He walked out of the stall. He laughed at the awfully patterned suit Mikey wore and they walked to the mirror together.

“Okay. A trans person is someone whose gender does not match up with the gender they were assigned at birth. Which Frankie is.”

“So I’m dating a trans person.”

“You’re dating a genderfluid person, as that’s what ze identifies as,” Mikey clarified. He turned and nodded at his ass. “But yeah.”

“I am so confused,” Gerard said, stomping back to his stall. The bluer suit was actually better.

They halted their conversation until after Gerard bought his suit. Then they went to the shoe store. Having a pansexual brother had opened a lot of doors for Gerard in terms of understanding the greater queer community but meeting Frankie just about created a new foundation for his understanding. It was taking an obnoxiously long time to wrap his head around and he was exhausted by how difficult it was.

“I’m pansexual,” Mikey murmured as they walked down the aisle for dress shoes. “Pansexuals are bisexual. However, I identify as pansexual so I prefer that identification in reference to myself over bisexual.” Mikey bent down to find a pair of shoes presumably in Gerard’s size. “I acknowledge the overlap, though,” he finished.

“Where do you learn this shit?” Gerard asked. He picked out a shoe box and Mikey put another on top of it.

“Experience…and the internet.”

“Thanks for, like…educating me.”

“Right,” Mikey scoffed. “It’s not my fucking job to. I’m gonna email you a list of websites you need to drill if you’re not willing to ask your partner questions.”

“I ask questions!”

“Obviously not enough!”

A bout of silence again. Mikey knew when to speak, especially with someone like Gerard that spoke too much, and he leaned against a display texting while Gerard tried on the first pair of shoes. Then he watched Gerard model them, made him move around the entire store to make sure it had a decent fit. It didn’t; this pair was definitely constricting, not fitting very well around his heel, and Gerard kicked the shoes off as he sat back down on the chair.

“What if I make zir uncomfortable?” Gerard asked Mikey, because Mikey had all the answers.

The younger Way rolled his eyes. “That’s between the two of you, man.”

That same morning, Frankie showed up to work nibbling on a muffin. Zir wet hair was a careless matted mess on zir head. Ze was surprised to find Jamia, tan from her trip, sitting at Bob’s desk when ze entered and ze glanced around, confused.

“Hi,” Frankie finally said.

“Hey.” Jamia grinned. “James is sick and it’s Bob’s day off so…” She shrugged and waved around as if to say that the store was their oyster.

“You’re the Secretary for the day?” Frankie clarified.

“I had to shift around appointments. One of us will be at the desk at all times.”

“Okay.”

They were alone. Frankie ripped off a piece of the muffin and offered it to Jamia, who leaned forward and practically inhaled it. Her lips grazed Frankie’s fingertips and Frankie made an indignant sound, smacking zir friend. Jamia laughed and chewed loudly.

A few hours later after Frankie’s first appointment, ze returned for their switch in duties. Jamia got up from the surprisingly comfortable wheelie chair that Bob’s ass usually existed in and stretched like a cat. Frankie took the seat and swiveled around, pausing to glance at the appointment schedule in front of zir on the desk. Jamia was free for half an hour and Gerard would arrive soon after. Jamia pulled up the foldable chair and sat next to Frankie.

“I miss spending time with you,” she said.

Startled, Frankie looked at zir friend. Ze knew how manipulative Jamia could be and ze couldn’t be sure how genuine that look of sadness and disappointment on her face was, that tone of abandonment. But Frankie also knew that ze may not have survived the past year without Jamia and that they hadn’t been in the best terms lately. Frankie would try to save face. Ze took a deep breath.

“We spend time together,” ze said unconvincingly.

“Yeah, but it’s tense and inconsistent,” Jamia quickly countered. She grabbed the armrest of Frankie’s chair and pulled zir close, turning zir to face her. Frankie took another annoyed deep breath.

“I don’t want to be the asshole that ditches a friend for a partner but I haven’t ditched Bob or James and it’s not like I’m dropping you on purpose.” Jamia looked offended but Frankie continued without giving her the chance yet to speak up. “I can’t be around you sometimes because you make me feel bad about the man I’m in love with.”

Jamia’s expression went back down to sadness and disappointment but there wasn’t a doubt in the world that this was genuine. Her eyes were huge as if she had just received the biggest shock of her life and Frankie supposed it was a pretty big shock; that Frankie had managed to fall for someone, for the first time since Jamia, was a pretty big deal. That Frankie didn’t tell Jamia before now was probably a bigger deal.

“You don’t…” Jamia said after a pause, actually looking like she might cry Jesus fucking _Christ_.

“Jamia,” Frankie said, amused, taking Jamia’s hands and squeezing them too hard because ze was furious, enraged that ze could feel guilty for being happy with someone. “My God. I love you. But you’re hurting me. Do you realize that? That you’re hurting me?”

Frankie held Jamia’s hands close, bringing the chair right against hers so zir legs were between Jamia’s. Ze stroked the backs of Jamia’s hands. Jamia sighed, long and heavy, and looked down at their hands. Frankie held onto them because Jamia needed but ze wanted more than anything to drop them.

“Your jealousy is ugly,” Frankie said. “Gerard and I have got a good thing.”

“Is it better than we were?” Jamia asked and Frankie finally did drop zir hands, laughing indignantly.

“Gerard’s the first person I’ve dated that was unfazed by my gender. Even you looked at me strange when I started expressing my gender differently. Gerard isn’t freaked out.”

“But he is freaked out by your sex. Considering he won’t have sex with you.”

“He does,” Frankie said. Ze paused when Jamia’s look of outrage repeated itself with increased ferocity. Shit, that was another huge thing Frankie neglected to share. Ze had valid reason not to but still. This was Jamia. “We…do.”

“You do,” Jamia murmured monotonously.

“Why are you suddenly so invested in my love life? Because I’m happy? Do you remember that you broke up with me?”

Frankie came out when ze did for three reasons: ze had finally moved out of zir parents’ house, the shop was booming, and ze was happily dating zir best friend. Ze was so completely happy but one thing was making zir miserable and ze felt powerful enough in that moment to remedy it. Jamia was supportive, especially when Frankie’s family wasn’t; most of zir friends were and the ones that weren’t stopped being friends. But then Jamia dumped Frankie, claiming it was what was best for them both. And Frankie felt inadequate all over again. Ze couldn’t be loved by Jamia, ze wouldn’t be loved by anyone.

“I broke up with you because of our business,” Jamia said.

“Bullshit,” said Frankie.

“And because I thought it was what you needed.” Jamia took Frankie’s hands as Frankie blinked furiously, resigned to the heat behind zir eyes. “When you came out, you needed a friend not a lover.”

“You couldn’t be both.”

“No,” Jamia said, slowly shaking her head. She leaned forward, stroked Frankie’s cheek. “That was my issue. You didn’t need to deal with that and your family disowning you and an existential crisis.”

Every word she spoke had an apology in it. Frankie leaned in to Jamia’s touch, not realizing how close she was. Frankie felt comforted, as usual, this close to Jamia. Ze didn’t think anything of their closeness until Jamia muttered, “I still love you,” and by then it was too late. Frankie couldn’t make sense of the words that had been spoken because Jamia’s lips were very suddenly on zirs, a brief and familiar pressure Frankie used to associate with the utmost pleasure. And it was, pleasurable. For a brief moment Frankie forgot everything and they just kissed, tender and almost melancholy. But it was so wrong.

Frankie shoved Jamia’s hand away from zir and used the leverage to shove Jamia away. Instead ze shoved zirself back and hit the wall with a loud thud. They both startled. Frankie’s heart hammered in zir chest, a plethora of emotions and questions circling in zir head. Ze didn’t know what to do.

“Gerard’s coming over for late lunch in a few,” Frankie said, tense as a board. “You…h-have an appointment soon.”

Jamia’s cheeks were hot red. She nodded, glanced at the clock on the wall, and got up from her seat. She walked down the hall. Frankie covered zir face with both hands. When Gerard showed up, Frankie did none of the talking and claimed a bad migraine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh-oh...


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2000 hits!!!! HOLY CRAP!
> 
> An extra update to celebrate!
> 
> In the immortal words of sir Jimmy Urine: it doesn't get better.
> 
> <3

Jamia had not accepted her invitation to Gerard’s graduation because she couldn’t have two of the Three Gents gone from work. Not that Gerard really cared. Frankie wasn’t too fond of her at the moment anyway. Her absence was welcome.

The graduation took for god damn ever but Frankie was so proud and excited that ze didn’t particularly mind the wait. There were about a thousand graduates and Gerard was one of the last ones called. Frankie sat beside Mikey, barely got to shake hands with Gerard’s father who showed up late, and whispered with Donna over Mikey’s lap. They laughed. They applauded. When Gerard got called up, Donna started to cry and the other Way men sort of groaned together. It was a great time.

Afterwards, it was skipping through the crowd to try to reach each other. Gerard hugged friends as he texted Frankie, took pictures and exchanged contact information with people, got invited to about a dozen celebratory gatherings within the next few weeks and gingerly took off his gown. He felt exhilarated and anxious about it all until, finally, he saw Frankie in the distance. Ze ran up to him and hung by his neck, squeezing and making excited little sounds. Gerard lifted zir and spun zir.

“We’re so proud of you!” Donna said.

Frankie slipped out of Gerard’s arms, blushing. Gerard beamed at his mother and received a soul-crushing hug from her. She rubbed his back and rocked him back and forth, moving only to kiss one side of his head before moving to the other. Mikey managed to tear her away from him and she turned away with a tissue over her mouth. Frankie went to comfort her.

“What are you going to do now, graduate?” Mikey asked. Gerard snapped out of looking at Frankie fondly.

“Be in debt,” Gerard said quickly, only half-joking. Gerard and Mikey both stole a glance at their father, who was looking around at the other graduates flooding into the courtyard of the hotel to meet their families. He seemed unimpressed.

Mikey, on the other hand, was resisting a laugh. “To debt!” he shouted in the air. Passersby cheered with him as he took Gerard into a hug.

“Who’s this?” said Mr. Way. Gerard looked over to see his father gesturing at Frankie, who still blushed but smiled politely as ze locked eyes with him. Gerard and Mikey exchanged a look, _This could be bad_ , and Gerard instantly moved to wrap an arm around Frankie.

“My partner, Frankie,” Gerard said. Ze had zir hand out before Gerard finished.

“Nice to finally meet you, Mr. Way,” ze said. Mr. Way stared at zir manicured hand and ze let it drop. “Sorry we didn’t get the chance earlier to—”

“Your mother was right,” Mr. Way interrupted, still looking only at Frankie. “I can’t believe it.”

“Dad…” Gerard said, ready to beg.

“I guess I’ll have to deal with it.” Mr. Way looked Frankie up and down, brow furrowed, and Gerard felt Frankie tense. “What do I refer to it as?” Mr. Way asked, much to Gerard’s horror.

“That’s…” Frankie, who rarely struggled to speak, now stuttered for words. What had thrown Gerard’s father off? The tie? The nail polish? The body? “I’m…”

“It’s okay.” Mr. Way waved zir off and smiled at his older son. “I’ll figure it out. Dinner? I’ll bring the car around while you say your goodbyes.”

Mr. Way disappeared in the crowd and the other three Ways collectively sighed. Donna and Mikey made the quick decision to go out on the sidewalk and give Gerard a few minutes with his friends which they all knew really meant a few minutes with Frankie, who had pulled away from their embrace the second Mr. Way’s back was turned. Ze hugged zirself, rubbing zir arms and staring at the floor with an unreadable expression on zir face.

“I’m so sorry about that,” Gerard said. Frankie shrugged. “Frankie?”

“I don’t mind strangers being assholes to me but your father?” Frankie said slowly.

Gerard was hopeless to fix this. “I should’ve given you a better warning.”

“And what did he mean when he said your mom was right? What did she say about me?”

Frankie looked around, suddenly paranoid. There were a couple people waiting for this arguing couple to disperse so that they could drag Gerard away for a final memory, in their suits and their dresses with theirs caps under their arms. Frankie felt so suddenly like an outsider. A college dropout. Shorter than everyone around. Queer. Ze felt so raw from Mr. Way’s comments and ze wanted to be alone. Ze wanted to be alone.

“I don’t…know, Frankie, but—”

“I’m going home,” Frankie said. Ze smiled a little bit when Gerard’s face fell and ze kissed his cheek reassuringly. Still, zir words came through gritted teeth. “I need to be alone.”

They both knew how hurt ze was but only Frankie felt it stupid to be so hurt. They both also knew that too much was happening right now for Gerard to drop everything and follow zir. He wanted to celebrate this with zir but it had been soiled for zir. They’d pick this up again later, he was sure. In the meantime, he nodded and kissed zir forehead. He was still watching zir leave when he got pulled into a group photo.

Days later, Frankie didn’t answer zir phone but ze answered zir texts. Ze avoided the subject. Ze asked Gerard about dinner, about his friends, about how he felt, and in dozens of text messages not a word was mentioned about Mr. Way. When Gerard tried to talk about it, mentioning it subtly, Frankie just as easily changed the subject to something else. Ze didn’t go to work the next day.

“Ze just didn’t come in?” Gerard asked Bob, standing in front of the desk.

“Ze called in sick,” Bob said.

“Which is totally probable,” James said from the couch, looking at Gerard curiously. “Ze takes more sick days than the rest of us.”

Gerard looked between Frankie’s likely clueless friends and plopped onto the couch. Jamia was with a client. No one else was around. Now would be as good a time as ever.

“Did ze tell you what happened at my graduation?” he asked them. They both shook their heads and readjusted themselves to hear a story, Bob closing his laptop and James sitting up.

Gerard told them quickly and with sparse details. About his father’s general demeanor. About how he spoke of and addressed Frankie. About how awful they all felt about it, excluding his father but definitely Frankie. All of his attempts to contact zir. His frustration about how he would go to zir about everything but now ze was avoiding it, avoiding him.

“It almost feels like I need zir more than ze needs me,” Gerard said, finally.

“Sounds like Frankie,” Bob said. James let out a laugh and vigorously nodded his agreement. Unhelpful.

“It’s good that ze can deal with things on zir own but I want zir to need me,” Gerard said, sheepishly looking past his lashes at the people that have known Frankie for years. He felt grossly selfish for saying it aloud but it was true. It felt good to be needed.

James sat up even straighter and made a show of cracking all his knuckles before turning to Gerard. “Ze can’t deal with things on zir own, ze just hasn’t figure it out yet,” he said. “Ze tries to be headstrong, pushes people away to prove ze doesn’t need them.”

“I do the same thing except that I do it when I’m convinced I don’t deserve them.”

“Match made in heaven,” Bob butt in. Another unhelpful laugh and head nod from James.

“What should I do?” Gerard asked a little more directly.

A door opened down the hall and Jamia started toward them with an older woman staring at her forearm. The three men in the lobby paused momentarily to become accustomed to the change in scenery – Jamia seemed displeased to see Gerard here but walked her client to the door anyway – before swiftly continuing the conversation.

“Wait for zir to come to you and be what ze needs,” James advised.

“I don’t know I can be,” Gerard said shyly, praying Jamia did not hear.

“And get over that,” Bob said, finally being helpful. “Ze needs someone stronger than that.”

Gerard sighed, resigned, and said, “Thanks for the advice, guys. I hope you’re right.”

“Let zir play at being strong,” Jamia said, approaching Bob’s desk. She jumped on it and crossed her legs, narrowing her eyes at Gerard. “Keep away from the subject unless ze brings it up. Self-deprecation is zir bullshit coping mechanism. Don’t contradict zir. Tell zir something neutral. Ze says ze’s ugly, tells zir ze’s at least average. You go too far, ze won’t buy it and it’ll take zir longer to bounce back.”

There was silence. Gerard thought about how Jamia had a backlog of nearly ten years’ worth of Frankie to fall back on and Gerard had barely three months. James and Bob nodded their agreement to Jamia’s statements and Gerard looked hopelessly between them before stopping his eyes on Jamia.

“Why are you helping me?” he asked.

“Because it helps Frankie,” Jamia said easily.

That moment warmed Gerard to her. All she was doing was being a good friend. Why didn’t he see that before?


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Met Gerard last night. Met him and Frank in the space of a year! So happy right now.
> 
> I love that y'all are screaming at Jamia in the comments lmao.
> 
> Enjoy <3

It took exactly four days for Frankie to get over zirself and text Gerard. Ze needed some time away from him; separate of him. Ze worked and ze painted, ze hung out with friends and masturbated before going to sleep. Ze felt as much like ze did before meeting Gerard as ze could. Until, inexplicably, ze missed him. And that took four days. Gerard had blessedly kept his distance but Frankie felt weighed down with anxiety over this situation, guilt. Ze just wanted to see him. So they met at Sleepy Café after work and Frankie squeezed him super tight, whispering that ze missed him.

“I missed you, too,” Gerard replied, rubbing zir back, sounding unsure.

Then they were making out, right in front of the entrance to the café, and fuck. Yeah, Frankie needed this. Gerard’s hands fell to zir hips and squeezed, held zir close, possessive. Frankie curled zir fingers into his hair, stroked his neck and shoulders. God damn it, ze missed him.

“I wanna fuck,” ze said as they broke apart. “Let’s go to your place.”

Gerard seemed startled by this request. “Don’t you think we should—” he started, looking back at the café with longing. Really? Coffee over sex?

“Come on, babe, let’s go.”

Frankie pressed zir hips suggestively against his, hard, wanting. But he was still distracted. He looked down at zir nervously, blushing, and stuttered.

“I-I just, um, think we have to, uh, talk about—” he said shyly and hell no was Frankie going down that road. More kissing, this time against the glass of the café and, as they were regulars, this would not be forgotten by others that frequented this coffee shop. Oh well.

“God, baby, I missed you so much,” Frankie rasped against Gerard’s neck, pressing harder against him, earning a moan.

“Alright, alright,” Gerard said. Frankie pulled back and grinned, taking Gerard’s hand and dragging him away.

Frankie felt odd. Raw. Wiry. Like ze was all loose ends that needed tying up. Gerard followed zir soundlessly and it made zir anxious. Down in the subway, they avoided eye contact. In the train, Gerard finally wrapped his arms around zir and though relieved ze felt self-conscious. People were staring. Frankie looked down at zirself. Ze hid in Gerard’s neck, kissing him in a soft, coaxing manner. Ze felt too apart from him. They hadn’t come back together as naturally as ze’d hoped. Ze missed him and he was right there.

“What’s wrong?” Gerard asked, all concern. Frankie had tensed, suddenly, and ze was looking around nervously, avoiding Gerard’s eyes and clinging to him.

“Nothing,” ze said.

Back in Gerard’s apartment, Frankie pinned Gerard to wall after wall as they kiss on the way to his bedroom. The mural on his living room wall was nearly finished now, just needed coloring, and the fire escape had finally been fixed after the tremendous damage that was that long winter that followed the blizzards that followed a hurricane. This is where Gerard wanted to take Frankie, as ze had never sat out there with him. He definitely didn’t want to have sex right now. But ze was so compelling, the way ze kissed him and the sounds ze made and the looks ze gave.

They were both distracted by other things. It only took a few minutes of kissing on the bed to realize that neither of them was really into this. Gerard pulled back and looked down at Frankie, who turned zir gaze away. He rolled off of zir to turn the light back on.

“Fire escape is safe now,” Gerard said.

“I’m really horny,” Frankie said matter-of-factly.

“We can have bad sex or we can go talk.”

“Sex is like pizza…”

“I don’t want pizza right now.”

Frankie pulled a pillow from the head of the bed, covered zir face with it, and screeched. Gerard laughed and walked over, got Frankie to zir feet with a weak tug of zir wrists, and kissed zir forehead before dragging zir back down the hall and to the living room window.

Gerard opened the window, sat on the sill, and swung his legs over in one swoop. Frankie followed his actions and they planted their feet on the rusty, creaking metal. Frankie looked down at the hundred foot drop and Gerard’s hand was immediately on zir elbow, assuring and grounding. He guided zir to sit at the edge, legs through the spaces between the rails and swinging below them. Frankie stuck zir forehead between the rails and looked past Gerard’s legs, to the orange sky. They stuck their arms through and held hands.

“You stopped calling a few days ago,” Frankie said. “You didn’t even come to the shop.”

“I was advised to give you space,” Gerard replied. “Should I not have done that?”

Frankie squeezed Gerard’s hand. “Ya did good, son.”

They chuckled and Gerard leaned back. Frankie turned zir head enough to catch his smile. Ze wanted to smile back but all the heat in zir seemed to dissipate and reconvene in zir eyes. Ze took a deep breath and closed zir eyes, gently bumping zir head against the metal.

“I’m sorry,” Gerard whispered. “I’m so sorry about my dad’s ignorance.”

Frankie shrugged easily then spoke with a broken voice. “I kept telling myself I shouldn’t be miserable because of some asshole,” ze said, “but I can’t get over that your dad is that asshole.”

“Well, at least you know he’s an asshole.”

Frankie opened zir eyes and looked past Gerard again, this time at a window ze was sure was of the apartment next door. Ze had never met Gerard’s neighbors. Had they seen zir? What did they think? Fuck, ze hated caring about that. Ze hated getting all sensitive about other people’s dumb opinions. Ze thought of Gerard’s dad again, the complete asshole, and it still hurt to think that someone could think so little of zir when his child was in love with zir.

“How many people look at me and think I’m a freak?” Frankie said absently. “I am a freak.”

“Well, you are freakish but…” Gerard said, rubbing a forming hickey on his neck. Frankie bit zir lip. “Not for the reasons you’re assuming…”

“OH my god.”

“Frankie, my dad can’t even begin to comprehend what it’s like to even be slightly queer,” Gerard went on, ignoring Frankie’s laughter. “His opinion is irrelevant.”

“But—”

“No buts. You be as freaky as you want in bed, we’ll be good.”

Frankie beamed and they kissed again, this time less tense and desperate and more comforting. Something in Frankie still felt hollow, something that was always there. But it was hiding, again, slipping away; ze thought about how fucking cute ze looked today and how good it smelled in Gerard’s apartment, coffee and paint, and then it struck zir that Gerard had graduated very recently and Frankie was not involved in celebrating it at all. In fact, ze had probably tainted it.

“I’m sorry I ruined your…graduation celebration…thing,” Frankie said, getting nervous again.

“Oh, it was ruined the second I saw how much debt I was in,” Gerard said, brushing it off easily. Wanting to ease Frankie’s nerves.

It really wasn’t a very fun night and it had nothing to do with Frankie leaving like that. Well, sort of. It had everything to do with his father being judgmental, his parents praising Mikey and putting Gerard down, every movement Gerard made and word he spoke being dissected to miserable pieces. It would’ve been easier, sure, if he had had Frankie by his side after all was said and done, but he had zir back now.

“Can we go have bad sex now?” Frankie said, already starting to stand up.

“We could order pizza too!” Gerard enthused. Frankie chuckled and nodded profusely. They kissed on the fire escape, with Frankie sitting on the window sill, paused for Gerard to order pizza, and kept it up on the couch until it arrived.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update. Happy Halloween!

Beer and video games seemed a fit way to spend a weeknight for a group of people in their early to mid-twenties and Frankie, always eager to get Gerard out of his apartment, was excited to finally instead be in it with a large group of friends. Around the dining table near the window, Pete, Mikey, and James chatted away about anime or something. On the couch, Gerard, Frankie, Jamia, and Bob had game controllers at the ready.

“Leaning on me is not going to help you escape from the zombies,” Gerard said, laughing as Frankie pushed zir head into his cheek.

“They’re gAINING ON ME!” ze screamed, getting closer until ze was stretched out against him, making it hard for him to actually play.

“I’m gonna get youuu, Frankiiie,” said Bob evilly.

“Noooooooo!!!!”

Jamia laughed. She was a zombie too. Frankie followed Gerard around, trying to escape the others. Jamia soon caught Frankie and Frankie slumped on the couch so hard that ze fell to the floor. Gerard kissed the top of zir head as he was announced the winner of the minigame, miraculously keeping out of reach despite Frankie’s distractions.

“I can’t believe I agreed to play Mario Party,” Frankie said bitterly. “What are we, twelve?”

“At heart,” Jamia said wistfully.

Frankie rolled zir eyes. Ze still hadn’t quite forgiven Jamia for the stupid thing she did but tonight was about everyone getting along. Gerard bellowed a laugh and Frankie looked back to see him nudging at Jamia and nodding appreciatively. Was he drunk already? Did Jamia smile back because she knew she had something over him that he was not aware of? Frankie was anxious all over again.

“I’m so glad you have a repertoire of Mario games,” Jamia told Gerard fondly.

“We can play Super Smash Brothers next,” Gerard said.

“Fuck yes! I will beat everyone’s asses as Jiggly Puff!”

He’d been trying to warm up to Jamia, ever since the whole Frankie meeting Gerard’s dad fiasco. She was just looking after her best friend, he told himself, not laying claim on her ex. It would do Frankie good for them to get along, for zir to have one less glaring problem in zir life. Jamia really seemed like a cool chick. 

“I wanna play Smash Brothers!” Pete called from the dining area.

“Party’s not over!” Jamia called, at the same time Gerard said, “Still partying!” They smiled at each other.

The party finished, eventually, and Gerard beat Jamia by a hair. They shook hands amicably and went out on the fire escape for a smoke, leaving the others to pop Super Smash Brothers into the console. Frankie was too anxious to play, looking out the window at the two of them speak, so ze gave zir remote up to James. Ze sat, legs crossed, staring at the TV, as the four guys sitting on the couch behind zir shouted and smacked at each other, calling each other names, jeering, and the TV exploded with the hits they were making.

But zir focus was really on zir ex-girlfriend and current boyfriend leaning over the barricade and facing each other, speaking with straight faces. Jamia nodding and Gerard frowning. Gestures down the alleyway. Headshakes. A glance back and Frankie turned away quickly. Then they reentered, smelling acrid with a shared smoke break, and Jamia pulled up a chair.

“Frankie, kitchen?” Gerard called, walking by without looking at zir. Fuck. Frankie felt hot, glancing at Jamia, who seemed so engrossed by the game that she couldn’t even spare a look at her friend. This was it.

Frankie rushed to the kitchen, looking flustered once Gerard emerged from the refrigerator holding something, and ze spoke in a rushed whisper despite there being a wall and loud jeers in between them and the others.

“Let me explain,” Frankie said.

“What?” Gerard said, beaming.

It was a cake. A birthday cake for Pete. Frankie deflated.

“Jamia’s cousin has a—”

“Bakery in Chelsea, I know,” Frankie said, leaning against the counter. Ze covered zir face.

“I asked her on behalf of Mikey to get Pete something good,” Gerard said, looking down at the treat. “Mikey’s, like, really happy, and I’m so happy he’s happy, you know? And I wanted to give Pete a gift. His birthday is in a few days and we were all going to be here together tonight so I figured…why not?”

Frankie shook zir head slightly, smiling a little. Gerard didn’t understand zir reaction. He shooed zir aside and set the cake on the counter, finding the candles from on top of the fridge and handing one to Frankie. They ripped the little wax numbers from their confines and Frankie held the cake down while Gerard stuck them into the cake. Frankie seemed distracted the whole time, zir eyes distant, and he had only a moment to wonder what was wrong—to wonder what Frankie had meant by explaining—when Bob shouted from the living room, “I am the mother fucking BOSS!” and Frankie chuckled as ze turned away with an end of the cake.

Jamia was hired to insist that they pause the mini-tournament for just a moment, for the surprise. Pete just about jumped five feet in the air when he saw the cake. James and Mikey quickly ushered him to the dining table and he squeezed Mikey the whole time the group of them chanted the happy birthday song.

“I mean, I have everything I want,” Pete said, giving Mikey a meaningful look before kissing him and murmuring, “I love you.” Still, with eyes closed, he mouthed something quickly and blew out the candles, sending uproar through the “adults” around the table.

Gerard took Frankie’s hand and kissed the back of it. He exchanged a look with Mikey that said, _Finally_ , and Mikey’s reply look said, _Holy shit fuck yeah oh my god what wow yay_. Jamia got the plates and forks from her bag. Frankie was still tense.

“I’m playing the next round,” Jamia said, with a mouthful of the last of her cake in her mouth.

“We can make it a drinking game,” James said. “Every time you lose a life, you take a shot.”

Pete and James worked out the rules of the drinking game while Mikey, Bob, and Jamia wandered to the kitchen to get the drinks and shot glasses. Frankie was quick to try and follow but Gerard held tight to zir hand and dragged zir to the window seat. They sat down facing each other, their whispers out of earshot.

“What’s up?” Gerard asked.

“Nothing,” Frankie said quickly.

“What were you going to tell me earlier?”

Frankie smiled and kissed Gerard on the cheek. “Nothing.”

Gerard leaned forward and kissed Frankie full on the mouth, which was reciprocated after a few seconds that made Gerard increasingly anxious. He had to let it go. He knew he had to let it go because Frankie was the kind of person that needed space, took time to talk about things if ever.

By the end of the night, shot glasses littered the living room area. Bob, Pete, and Mikey shared a cab home. James and Jamia slept on the floor and couch. Frankie sat miserably on the window seat, glass balanced between zir thighs as ze watched Jamia snore. Gerard walked around cleaning up slowly, his paths always in zigzags, and once he was satisfied he walked over to Frankie.

“Babe,” he said. Frankie grunted. “Bed?”

“She’s a manipulative bitch,” Frankie said, gesturing at Jamia.

“Not surprised,” Gerard said. He reached down to help Frankie up. “Come on, you’re trashed.”

“I suck at Smash Brothers.”

“I know, babe.”

“You’re trashed.”

“No, I’m just drunk.”

They stumbled together to the bedroom, bumping into the walls and giggling and kissing. They fell together on the bed and made out lazily, slinking out of their clothes and lying under the sheets in just their underwear for a while. The window was wide open and a cool breeze settled in, sharpening the edges of Gerard’s vision. They breathed together. Frankie sighed with each of zir exhales, zir body half on his as their fingers tangled on zir belly.

“Tonight was fun,” Gerard said.

“I hate her,” Frankie said.

Gerard arched a brow. “Are you gonna tell me what she did?”

“No!” Frankie shook zir head exaggeratedly.

Gerard chuckled. “Well, I’m sure you can work it out. You’ve been friends for so long.”

Frankie sighed. Ze turned around in Gerard’s arms and kissed his chest. His arms enveloped zir and ze sighed gleefully. Ze kissed his lips and ze thought about Jamia and nights with Jamia like this, lazy and lingering, and ze was so angry.

“What if we can’t?” Frankie said quickly, pulling away from Gerard and staring at him worriedly. “What if we can’t fix things?”

“You will,” Gerard assured zir.

Frankie nodded and laid zir head on his chest. Ze listened to Gerard snore for hours. Ze didn’t fall asleep until long after sunrise.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updating early because 1) I have an experiment for class wherein I cannot use the internet for 24 hours on Tuesday and 2) I'm just super excited to tell y'all something...
> 
> SO! Good news and bad news and more good news. Good news: I finished writing this story!!! Bad news: that means it's almost finished. As you can see, this is chapter 21 of 27. Yep. The final good news to come at the end of this chapter, because I want to drive you guys crazy.
> 
> Thank you so much for the continued support of this story. It means the world to me that so many people like it and it's so fun and challenging and interesting to write! Enjoy and...brace yourselves.

Jamia woke to vicious prodding pokes in her side, an agonizing feeling that was quickly overturned by her pounding head. She rolled over and groaned, only to roll straight into the path of the morning sun. She raised her arm and hit something, someone, and gasped as she moved away to see who it was.

Gerard rubbed his forehead and Jamia laughed out loud.

“I’m so sorry, dude,” she croaked.

“It’s fine,” he said. “Hey, I made a big breakfast of pancakes and eggs and sausage.”

“Really?”

“No, but I have cereal.”

Jamia smirked. She realized they’d been whispering and looked at the ground in search for James. Gerard put a finger to his lips and pointed beneath the coffee table, where James was curled. Jamia covered her mouth as Gerard got down on his knees

“You’re gonna kill him,” Jamia hissed, but made no move to stop what was about to happen.

“DEWEES!” Gerard shouted.

James jumped immediately, knocking his head on the coffee table and falling back with a shocked expression. Gerard and Jamia broke out into laughter. James crawled out and gave them a glare before groaning and begging for the bathroom. Gerard pointed and James ran for it. Jamia made space for Gerard on the couch. They were silent for a moment.

“You’re not so bad,” Jamia said, poking Gerard’s thigh with a manicured toe.

“I could say the same,” Gerard said, a mischievous glare on his tired eyes. Jamia grinned and leaned her head back on the armrest. Gerard cleared his throat and remembered how distressed Frankie was. He could be a mediator, surely. “Hey, Jamia?”

“Yessir?”

“Frankie’s really upset about what happened between you guys.”

Jamia shot up immediately, her eyes huge. “Ze told you?” she exclaimed through her teeth, so utterly shocked that it frightened Gerard a little.

“I mean, ze didn’t say what happened…” Gerard replied, watching Jamia deflate with a nervous laugh, “but ze’s really upset and I was wondering if there was anything I could do to help.”

“You could never find out.”

Gerard was so taken aback that Jamia got up, went to the kitchen, and returned with a bowl of cereal before he could formulate any words. He was thinking the worst, which he hoped was impossible, but no other plausible explanation came to mind.

“What happened?” Gerard asked. “What did you do?”

Jamia chuckled. “Oh, yeah, it was all me,” she said, continuing being cryptic. Gerard felt hot and his heart hammered. A pompous cloak was over Jamia once again and she seemed pleased with herself, as if knowing the anxiety that mounted within Gerard at the moment. She rolled her eyes when he just stared at her and said, “Don’t worry. Ze always gets over it. Ze’s an adult. It’ll be fine.”

“What’s wrong with Frankie?” James asked, dragging his feet. He slumped against the wall as Jamia shoveled the cereal into her mouth.

“Nothing,” she said, mouth full. “Let’s catch a cab, your cat is lonely.”

“Tell me what happened,” Gerard said, almost begged.

Jamia leaned over and gave him a friendly hug then rushed to put on her shoes, telling James to do the same. Gerard paced the room with his arms crossed. He asked James what happened but James had no clue that there was anything going on between the other two Gents. They left and Gerard paced, bit his nail, tried to convince himself that this was another one of Jamia’s tricks and there was nothing to worry about.

Frankie woke up and Gerard wasn’t around. Ze showered in anticipation for their day off; ze didn’t have work and he didn’t have an interview, so they were going to walk through Central Park all day and have a picnic. Ze was ready to forget about all the bullshit and enjoy a day with zir boyfriend. Nothing else mattered.

Gerard returned smelling of cigarette smoke. Why he’d gone outside instead of to the fire escape was beyond zir. At any rate, he didn’t look happy as he kicked off his shoes by the door. Frankie skipped over to him from the kitchen and kissed him, receiving a weak reciprocation.

“Hey, babe, what’s up?” Frankie said. “I’m just gonna finish washing the dishes so we c—”

“Jamia told me,” Gerard said.

She hadn’t, of course, but Gerard spent a good two hours trying to come up with a way to get Frankie to tell him what had happened. Actually, he spent most of that time debating whether he should find out at all. But if it was nothing, he’d rather find out sooner. By the way Frankie’s expression fell into horror, Gerard understood immediately that there was something to worry about.

“What did she say?” Frankie said immediately, accusatory. Ze couldn’t believe it, ze couldn’t believe that Jamia would be this menacing. Gerard just crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes, staring at Frankie as if challenging. Fuck. “I can’t believe she told you. She’s trying to piss you off, you know that. She’s done this before!”

Frankie realized ze was shouting just as Gerard’s stoic expression crumbled into confusion and fear. Frankie was so anxious that it took her a moment to realize that the cold look Gerard was giving had not been anger but curious incredulity. He lowered his arms and Frankie stumbled back to sit on the couch.

“What happened between you two?” Gerard asked. He approached zir and sat on the coffee table across from zir, ready to believe anything he is told that ties it all up in a way that exonerates Frankie and shames Gerard for any awful assumption he is making in his mind. “Does it have something to do with me?”

“She didn’t tell you,” Frankie said, looking at the floor.

“She implied something.”

Frankie shook zir head. “Do you really want to know?”

“It’s beating you up keeping it to yourself.”

Frankie looked up at Gerard with tears glistening in zir eyes. Gerard waited patiently, folding his hands in front of him. Frankie took a deep breath and said, never breaking eye contact, “She kissed me…” so slowly and at a low volume that he almost missed it. Even when it registered, he couldn’t quite believe it. “And it was literally nothing,” Frankie went on, reaching for his hand.

“Did you kiss her back?” Gerard asked just as softly, fearing the answer.

Frankie blinked and took another deep breath. “Barely.”

Gerard ripped his hand from Frankie’s grasp in such a way that Frankie hugged it to zir chest as a subconscious form of self-comfort. He stood and paced around the room, obviously furious, and Frankie just waited for what was next.

“So you cheated on me,” Gerard said. He sounded ironically amused. Frankie was mortified by his assumption.

“No,” Frankie said defensively, then insisting, “No!” Ze stood up and approached him, grabbing his arms, trying to meet his gaze when he turned away like an exhausted infant. “She caught me by surprise, we’d been having an emotional conversation, I… It was nothing. It was this.” Frankie kissed Gerard briefly, almost callously, and though he relaxed when they parted he still wouldn’t look zir in the eyes.

“Do you still have feelings for her?” Gerard asked. He finally made eye contact with Frankie. Ze stared at him, saying nothing, and Gerard’s vision tunneled in on the lips Frankie wouldn’t move, the lips that Jamia had reclaimed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A sequel is in the works <3


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reading your distressed comments is very amusing.
> 
> Also, I apologize.
> 
> <3

Taken completely aback, Frankie just stared at him for a moment. How…could he…even think that? How could that cross his mind? How could Jamia take it upon herself to try and ruin their relationship? Why was she working so hard to end something so great? What a selfish bitch. And Gerard…what a bastard for not giving Frankie the benefit of the doubt, for falling right into Jamia’s trap. Frankie was so stupidly in love with Gerard that ze could not even fathom being with anyone else. But ze was so exhausted, by spending the morning cleaning and being truly hung over and being emotionally drained, that ze couldn’t even muster up the energy to be indignant.

“No,” ze said weakly.

“Why did you hesitate?” Gerard asked, still sounding so accusatory.

“You realize she’s trying to get us to fight.”

“Maybe we should.”

There Gerard was, making things difficult again. Being unnecessarily over-analytic and over-dramatic, not letting things go. He didn’t want to fight, not really, Frankie knew, but he felt entitled to it, because it only made sense for him to be unhappy. Frankie couldn’t even humor him anymore.

“She kissed me,” ze said flatly, “and I pushed her away. That’s it.”

And here was Frankie being apathetic, so blasé over their situation and unwilling to empathize that Gerard felt raw and stupid for feeling anything against zir at all. Did ze really expect to brush over this one? Gerard had been cheated on before and he didn’t think… Not Frankie. No, he wouldn’t be letting this one go.

“Okay,” Gerard said. There was no finality in his voice, just resignation. He crossed his arms and Frankie crossed zirs, imitating him. Mocking him.

“Okay?” ze repeated.

“I want to trust you.”

“But…”

“She’s going to keep trying to sabotage us,” Gerard said carefully, ready to gauge Frankie’s response. Waiting for the right one to make it okay for him to forgive zir even if ze didn’t apologize.

“So we keep fighting it,” Frankie said with a roll of zir eyes.

“You’ve never said what she’s doing is wrong.”

“Because what she’s doing is irrelevant.”

“I get that I’m insecure and you scoff at some things that I worry about,” Gerard said, taking note of the fact that their voices were rising in volume, “but please try to take them a little more seriously.”

“She’s not going to steal me,” Frankie insisted.

“And you’re not going to leave me?”

“No!”

“Of course not. You can’t even leave her.”

Gerard gestured vaguely and plopped himself down on the couch, rubbing his eyes. This was exhausting. Why couldn’t Gerard see that this was not as big a deal as he was making it out to be? Ze needed him to understand. Ze pushed the coffee table away, a movement that Gerard followed with clouded eyes, and towered over him.

“She’s the only person from before I came out that I’m still close friends with so yes,” Frankie spat, “maybe I cling to her and yes,” ze waved as vaguely as he just had, “I’m defending her because when I was at my worst she made me better. Sorry that you can’t be my everything.”

“Me too,” Gerard said sarcastically. Frankie scoffed and turned away. “You’re just as insecure as me and you don’t know it.” He stood and grabbed Frankie’s arm, turning zir to face him. “It’s not that you don’t need anybody, it’s that the only person you need is Jamia. Because you’ve always needed her and you’re afraid of getting hurt by needing someone new.”

“And you’re so afraid of feeling anything that everything that comes out of your mouth is another complaint or fear,” Frankie responded. His eyes were full of tears. Ze didn’t want this to be one of those fights but ze couldn’t help the words that angrily escaped zir. “You have OCD with your feelings. We needed to have this fight because…what? You need to make sure you push me as far away as possible?”

“How can I push you away when you already have me at arms’ length?” Gerard choked out and no, no shit, he was crying already.

“I am opening up to you!” Frankie finally cried out, opening zir arms in a vague but grand gesture. This was Frankie, opening up to him, and that was Gerard, moving away from zir because ze was too loud and he was ready to make a decision.

“But it’s hard for me,” Frankie admitted, a moment of vulnerability that ze detested. “What’s your fucking excuse? I would’ve broken up with you by now if I didn’t think you were worth the effort.”

“Am I still worth the effort?” Gerard tried butting in, only to get a response that shattered him.

“I don’t know!” Frankie said, starting with a shout and ending with a broken whimper.

Gerard’s mouth fell wide open. He looked around as if lost and finally stumbled over to the wall between the living room and the kitchen. He leaned against it and stared at the floor as if looking for something in it. Frankie was ready to literally beat zirself up.

“Listen, let’s go for a…walk or something, we—”

“I think you should go,” Gerard interrupted. He looked calm and collected when he stood up straight. He wiped his face with his sleeve and, turning away, said, “We should just stop wasting each other’s time and break up.”

Gerard walked around the couch and across the room to the fire escape. He sat on the window seat and stared outside, stoic as he had been before. Frankie couldn’t quite believe what he’d said. Ze couldn’t even believe what ze had said.

“What? No,” Frankie said, approaching Gerard. “We don’t have to break up.” He didn’t acknowledge zir at all. Frankie had never felt quite so hollow. “Gerard…”

“I’m done, Frankie,” Gerard said, shrugging, a smile playing on his lips. “I’m fucking done with you. I put a lot of effort in for you too and I always thought you were worth it. I can’t be some…sexual object you keep yourself emotionally distant from.”

Every word pierced Frankie and ached Gerard to say. But he couldn’t stand zir at the moment, so when ze tried to speak he interrupted.

“That’s not—”

“I can’t be with you if you’re gonna keep defending your shitty friend.”

“She’s—”

“Leave,” Gerard said through his teeth, finally looking Frankie in the eye.

Ze shook zir head in disbelief. When ze didn’t move, Gerard moved again; to distance himself from this person he abruptly hated and to show zir the way out. He opened the front door and gestured out to the hallway, looking at zir expectantly. He was very much done with this conversation and with zir.

“This way,” Gerard said bitterly, hating himself for how he spoke to zir.

The rudeness must have gotten to zir because ze finally sought out zir shoes from the corner, slipped them on, neglected the laces, and approached the front door. Ze paused for a moment to stare Gerard down and say, “You’re fucking cold.” He slammed the door shut behind zir.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No update next week due to the holiday. Happy Thanksgiving.
> 
> I apologize for making you all miserable hah.
> 
> <3

Frankie came back from zir lunch break with an open pack of cigarettes on top of a box of pizza. Gluttony; check. Ze didn’t acknowledge Bob’s hello but continued down the hall to zir room. There, ze sat still for a moment before sighing deeply and putting zir things down. Ze was dizzy and tired and sad and all ze wanted was to go home. When a knock came to zir door, ze grunted.

“Hey, Frankie,” Bob said, poking his head inside. “You alright?”

“Mhmm,” Frankie said, opening the box. Ze gestured at the pie and Bob shook his head. Ze stacked a couple pizzas and took a bite of them together.

“You haven’t…spoken to any of us,” Bob went on, watching zir curiously. “Your clients are worried.”

“I’m fucking fine.”

“You’re smoking again.”

Frankie stared at Bob, zir eyes dark, as ze chewed.

“Okay, I’m gonna go get Jamia,” Bob said, turning away before Frankie could protest. Ze tried to anyway.

“Don’t!” ze called.

Ze closed the box and kicked the chair. Ze drank some soda and stared at the pack of cigarettes. Zir leg shook. Jamia’s heels clacked their way down the hall.

“What’s up?” Jamia asked, closing the door shut behind her.

Frankie made no pretense of being busy. Ze had been looking at the door waiting for Jamia and the moment she walked in, ze was on zir feet. Ze approached Jamia with something ravaging in zir eyes, something cold yet blistering at the same time, and Jamia could not imagine what Frankie was thinking or feeling.

“Gerard broke up with me,” ze said, face-to-face with Jamia, whose jaw fell immediately. She gave herself a moment to feel relief but it immediately occurred to her that the hot and cold look Frankie was trying to mask was pain and that was far from what Jamia wanted.

“I’m s—” Jamia started, but was interrupted by Frankie slamming her into the door and kissing her.

Frankie’s fingernails sunk deliciously into Jamia’s forearms, more from anger than passion she could tell but she didn’t much mind it at first. Jamia circled her arms around Frankie’s torso and tried to keep up with zir, kissing roughly and moaning softly when Frankie bit her lip. Ze wanted to draw blood. Jamia wanted zir to draw blood. They’d done the angry sex thing a lot while dating; their relationship had always been much too close to avoid butting heads constantly and half the times they had sex left them both marked up. But this was totally unexpected and it wasn’t an apology on anyone’s part; it was almost like a punishment, it was filled with so much rage. Still it went on, Jamia holding back her whimpers as Frankie kept zir hips away from her but held her down and kissed like maybe something would come of this.

Until finally ze pushed back and wiped zir mouth, looking disgusted, zir face and eyes red. Ze smiled a little. Jamia grew nervous, catching her breath. Frankie started unbuttoning zir shirt and Jamia swallowed when her eyes fell upon Frankie’s red bra that hugged zir skin delicately. She looked away, shamed, but Frankie grabbed Jamia’s hands and put them back at zir hips, trying to meet her eyes.

“What are you doing?” Jamia asked, startled. This was not pleasant for either of them, she could tell, and Frankie was not the type to fuck around when ze was upset.

“This is what you wanted, isn’t it?” Frankie rasped. Yeah, there were tears in zir eyes. What the fuck. “I’m single again. Miserable. You wanna fuck me now?” Frankie pressed against her and Jamia turned away before they could kiss. She gave Frankie a concerned look and tugged her arms away. This seemed to make Frankie snap out of it because ze stumbled backward, onto the stool, and started re-buttoning zir shirt with shaky fingers and a flitting gaze. “I can eat you out right here,” Frankie continued. “You can propose to me. You can tattoo ‘property of Jamia’ on my ass.”

“You’re mad at me,” Jamia realized.

Frankie scoffed. “You’ve been trying to split us—”

“If you guys actually had something good, it wouldn’t have been that easy. You can’t blame me because your fucking relationship didn’t work out.”

Frankie laughed openly now, sarcastically. “You broke my heart and you don’t even want me to be happy with someone else,” ze said. Jamia locked her jaw, refusing to believe it. “How shitty is that? You’re fucking awful, Jamia.”

“Gerard broke up with you because you’re a robot, not because I’m a bitch,” Jamia said, going right for the attack. They’d had this back and forth before. Seeing the way Frankie’s expression seemed to crumble with pain as ze tightened zir face, holding back like ze always did, made Jamia think really hard about just how bitchy ze’d been being the past few months.

“I’m not a robot,” Frankie croaked. “I’m scared.”

“Of what?”

Frankie shrugged. Ze was looking at Jamia but not really seeing her. “Dying alone? Ending up like my mom? A miserable, robotic bitch. Ending up like you.” Jamia took a deep breath. When Frankie went for the door, she stepped aside. “I’m gonna…” Frankie cleared zir throat, looking at zir feet. “Can you tell Bob to reschedule the rest of my appointments for the day? You can have this pizza or whatever.”

Frankie didn’t wait for a response. Ze walked out of the room, ignored calls dragging zir back, and made it all the way back to zir apartment before falling on the floor crying.

***

Gerard hadn’t been able to draw much. He’d gotten that job at the Cartoon Network and his first inclination was to call Frankie to celebrate. When he first remembered, he got sad. Then he got angry, thinking of zir with Jamia. Then he got sad again, thinking that he’d gone too far. He tapped his sketchbook with his pencil, thought about Mikey being too busy visiting god damn Chicago with his boyfriend to talk to Gerard about his latest blunder, and continued drinking the medium French vanilla wet cappuccino he’d ordered. Frankie’s drink of choice, he’d learned. It tasted like Frankie’s mouth did after an afternoon here at Sleepy Café. Gerard was pathetic.

To make matters worse, Jamia showed up halfway through the drink and a quarter of the way to Gerard convincing himself that he had a good idea for something to draw. He was so flabbergasted his sketchbook fell off his lap and he just stared at her like looking at a ghost.

“What do you want?” he snapped. How the hell did she know to find him here? He narrowed his eyes. James. Fucking A.

“Frankie’s depressed,” Jamia said, plopping her ass on the seat next to Gerard’s.

He tried to ignore the pang in his chest at hearing Jamia’s words and reached for his sketchbook. “I’m sorry to hear that,” he murmured.

Gerard could practically hear the eye roll. “I didn’t think you were going to dump zir,” Jamia chastised.

“I didn’t want to keep failing your tests.”

Gerard avoided eye contact. He sipped from his cappuccino. It was fucking gross. He thought about how good it tasted when it was on Frankie. He took a deep breath and stared at his sketch book. He thought of zir lips, dripping in the coffee. Gross. Fuck, he missed zir.

“Ze was so patient with you,” Jamia said softly. Gerard sighed loudly but she continued. “I could tell ze was becoming more patient. Ze was opening up to needing someone and to being needed. You were good for zir. It took watching you break up for me to realize that.”

Gerard started on the curve of Frankie’s pink lips, hating himself that it was the first thing he’d drawn in days and the only thing his muscles seemed apt to make an attempt for. “So now that we have your blessing I should, what?” Gerard said bitterly. “Crawl at zir feet?”

“Do you love zir?”

Gerard laid the book in his lap and turned to Jamia, sighing exaggeratedly again. Jamia’s brow furrowed and she inhaled. Glancing at the table beside Gerard, she seemed surprise. Gerard followed her gaze and picked up his drink.

“Ze deserves better than me,” he said. He took a sip and put the cup down. Jamia followed the cup with her eyes as she sighed.

“You’re both your own special brand of martyrs, it’s gross,” she said, leaning back. She took a moment before standing and gazed down at Gerard almost condescendingly. “Please, just…call zir?”

“Fuck you!” Gerard snapped. Jamia seemed startled. Did she really not expect that? She should have. It figures that the two people she’d help plunge into misery would detest her. “You spent the last few months sabotaging our relationship and now you decide you were wrong and I should keep doing what you want? I’m not a fucking puppet. You won. I’m not what ze needs.”

Jamia felt small despite being the one that was standing. Gerard started picking his things up, wanting to make a quick exit and not expecting to be able to. But as he stood up Jamia sunk down onto a seat nearby. He glared at her for a second. She was frowning at the ground, looking less arrogant than usual. He didn’t allow himself another thought about it. On his way out, he threw the half-unfinished drink into the trash.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Greetings, earthlings.
> 
> I apologize for the lack of updates. It's been a long few weeks with finals and personal stuff. There's a few chapters left... I'm going back to Monday updates.
> 
> As soon as I'm done with this story, I'll try to get back to my superhero!Frank fic and/or the sequel for this fic. Not really sure where to go after this is done. Anyone have any preference?
> 
> <3

“I cut myself shaving.”

Gerard squinted at the wall, realized after a moment that he was awake and had his cellphone to his ear, and detached it from his ear to stare at it briefly. He recognized two things: 1) that the caller was Frankie and 2) that it was the middle of the night.

“It’s 3am,” Gerard informed zir, confused in every possible way. They hadn’t spoken or seen each other in a week.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know who else to call,” Frankie said.

Gerard fell back on the bed, rubbing his eyes. He’d missed zir voice though there was something odd about it now. He didn’t know if he should be happy or angry about the call so he somehow stumbled to sarcastic, with, “An ambulance if you’re bleeding uncontrollably.”

“Can you come over?”

Gerard realized what was off and, startled into full wakefulness, sat up so quickly his head swam. He recognized the brokenness in Frankie’s voice from that argument they’d had. When Frankie was upset, for the rare occasion vulnerable. But this was something different. This was Frankie like Gerard had never heard zir. And he had to ask, even if Frankie wouldn’t like to hear it and even if Gerard wouldn’t like the answer.

“Are you okay?” he said.

“No and I need you,” Frankie said. It was there. It was controlled, subtle, but there. The heaviness in the voice of someone who’d been crying. “Please?”

“I’ll…” Gerard looked around frantically for his shoes, wondered if he had money on his MetroCard, calculated the best route this time of night. His decision had been made subconsciously. He hadn’t seen zir in a week and ze needed him. He was going. “Yeah, I’ll come over as soon as I can.”

Frankie barely uttered a thank you before dropping the phone on the ground. Ze clutched zir head. Ze felt hollow, nauseous, burned. The pain from the cut was barely noticeable compared to the thought of zir mother’s disapproving stare and tone and overall demeanor. Still, the blood was startling. Ze got up and washed zir hands again, cleaned the floor with some toilet paper and shaking hands, swept all the hair up. Dabbed the thing with a cotton ball of alcohol, glaring at the blood at the side of zir neck. Ze was an idiot. A total idiot. And this was an awful idea.

After a while, the bleeding did stop and the cut, though not by any means negligible, looked okay. Ze wouldn’t need stitches. No ambulance needed to be called. Then, fuck, ze thought of another awful idea ze had had: calling Gerard. In a vulnerable moment, ze grabbed zir phone and the only person in zir contact list ze would dare need was Gerard. Ze called again but it went straight to voicemail. Frankie sighed, frowning at zir puffy eyes in the mirror, and finished the deed, making sure to be excruciatingly careful this time. Ze massaged zir head when ze was done, sighing, something lifted from zir shoulders.

Frankie ran to answer the door when a knock rang through the apartment, scared that zir neighbors would absolutely lose their shit. Gerard through the peephole was almost too good to be true but Gerard standing in front of the open door, in a hoodie and with bags under his eyes and a look of concern, was a nightmare. Frankie just wanted to be held. And maybe ze should be angry at Gerard for dumping zir. But if anything, his actually showing up on zir doorstep made him seem so unable to do harm. Frankie hated it. Or not. Ze was so burned out.

“I tried calling you to tell you to turn back but I guess you were in the subway already,” Frankie said, rushing to get it out. The words weighed too much and those feelings from that first call came back, heavy behind zir eyelids.

“You cut yourself shaving…your head,” Gerard clarified.

Frankie was in zir regular pajamas, a big t-shirt and some kind of underwear underneath, and ze had what could only be called a buzzcut. The shape of zir face looked so different; zir jaw was no longer hugged by zir black hair, zir face was red with embarrassment, zir shoulders covered in short hairs. The door was barely open, as if ze might not let Gerard inside, but zir hand on the knob was shaking.

“My electric razor was faulty so I used a regular razor,” Frankie said. Ze spoke too quickly, even for zir. “Didn’t go well. But I…” Ze waved a dismissive hand, smiling in a way that made zir look more like zirself for just a moment. “…fixed it, it’s fine. I’m sorry I made you come here in the middle of the night.”

“You didn’t make me,” Gerard said slowly. “You asked and I came because I wanted to.”

He had so wanted to. He should be angry with zir, he knew, but right now he just wanted to hold zir. Ze was hurt and he didn’t know what by but it inspired zir to make a rash decision, lead zir to call the last person ze honestly wanted to see…probably. Why had ze called him? Why had he come?

“Right,” Frankie said. Eyes and nose red, tears dotting zir lids when ze blinked. Ze sniffed and, god, Gerard wanted to kiss zir. He hated that. “So, uh…”

Frankie opened the door a little wider then let it sort of drop. Gerard arched a brow and said, “I’m staying,” and watched Frankie practically double over in a relieved sigh.

“Good. I mean…okay. Couch is prepped.”

Frankie led Gerard in and pointed out the couch, as if he hadn’t stood in this living room at least a dozen times. Then ze rang zir fingers together. Gerard watched. Ze dropped zir hands. He sat down and tapped his feet, running a hand over the pillow at the end of the couch. He could see where zir makeup barely stained the pillowcase.

“You should shower and get some sleep,” Gerard said, looking up at Frankie. Ze looked lost, distracted, dazed. Ze didn’t even try to stop the stray tear; it was too obvious ze’d been crying. How could ze not care? What happened? When Frankie merely nodded at Gerard’s suggestion, testing zir weight from foot to foot as if not sure how to move, he knew he had to ask, “You gonna tell me what happened?” A small head shake and ze finally started for the bathroom. “Okay,” Gerard said. “I’ll be here.”

After a tense, long, cool shower in which Frankie tried to avoid the cut on the side of zir head while still getting the bits of hair off, ze went straight to bed. Ze opened the door to listen to Gerard’s snoring. How pathetic. Ze stared at the ceiling, feeling hollow and hot and strung out, and after a while ze couldn’t take it. He was here. They’d already broken some kind of post-breakup rule. Ze didn’t want to fuck or anything but ze also knew ze couldn’t sleep this way, him in the other room and zir all alone.

Ze tiptoed to the living room and smiled at the way his mouth hung open. He must’ve had a long day. “Gerard?” ze said.

At the sound of Frankie’s soft, sad voice, Gerard unsurely broke out of his restless sleep. “Hey,” he said.

“I don’t wanna sleep alone?”

Gerard stretched and stood up. Frankie walked two feet ahead of him. Gerard stood just inside the doorway to zir room, unsure as he looked around. Ze got under the covers, on zir side, and Gerard didn’t know what to do.

“You can…get comfortable,” ze said, looking down at Gerard’s jeans.

“I don’t wanna make you uncomfortable,” said Gerard, thinking how this was weird enough without both of them in their underwear. Was ze planning on turning this into something…?

Frankie shrugged, eyes like still, murky water. “It’s fine.”

Really, ze didn’t care. Ze turned away as he slipped out of his jeans. Ze held zir breath as ze felt the weight of the bed shift, the draft when Gerard lifted the covers and got under. Ze didn’t have to turn and look to know how far away he was. Ze thought of zir mother in her church clothes, sitting across from Frankie but with the chair as far back as conceivably possible to still reasonably reach her food. Ze thought of those insults disguised as compliments, the invitation back to church to fix Frankie’s problem, the way she even looked at zir. Refused to call zir the right name. Cried for the loss of her only child.

“Hey, it’s okay,” Gerard said. He moved closer and it wasn’t until Frankie turned into his side did ze realize ze was crying again. Zir shoulders shook and tears spilled onto his chest as ze clutched his shirt. Ze was angry, so angry, but there ze was crying with Gerard’s arm tight around zir.

“I had dinner with my mom,” Frankie said, voice muffled. Ze lifted zir head so that zir cheek was on Gerard and ze could more easily speak, which ze did very quickly out of embarrassment. “I hadn’t seen her since the funeral. She was in the city so she called me, invited me to dinner… I figured watching her little sister die made her aware of the frailty of life or the importance of family or something and she wanted to reconcile.” A dry laugh, as Gerard reached his other hand around to rub Frankie’s arm comfortingly. “I’m such an idiot for tricking myself into thinking that,” ze murmured.

“You’re not an idiot,” Gerard said, his voice soft.

Frankie was not relaxing under Gerard’s hold as ze normally would. Gerard didn’t know what to do. Ze angrily rubbed zir face on his shirt and practically shoved at him, getting up to sit against the bed frame. Gerard got up, too. Frankie’s jagged breathing filled the room momentarily. Then ze smiled a little, shaking zir head.

“She fucking adopted a little girl,” ze said, as if not believing zir own words. “A little baby girl. Said she wanted to…to try again. She’s pushing 50 and she’s showing me pictures of my baby sister. We got into a fight because I didn’t wanna meet her.”

“So she wants you to meet her?” Gerard said brightly. It sounded like a good thing, a sign of trust perhaps, but with the look Frankie gave him, full of pain and disbelief, he knew that Frankie did not see it that way.

“To rub it in my face that she replaced me,” Frankie snapped.

“And you shaved your head because…”

“I needed a change. And I’m having lunch with her tomorrow. Wanna see her reaction.”

Gerard grinned. “That’s moderately evil.”

“You of all people know that’s who I am.”

Frankie slid back down onto zir back, seemingly tuckered out by zir rage, and Gerard quickly understood what ze was implying with that statement. By no means did Gerard think Frankie had bad intent when the situation with Jamia happened, but…ze still enabled it. So he was still angry about it. Except that he wasn’t, not really. And besides, this wasn’t about that.

“You’re not moderately evil,” Gerard whispered.

“No, I’m just a freak,” Frankie said. Ze rubbed zir eyes, zir chest shaking with a heavy breath.

“Don’t do that.”

“She’s my mother!” Frankie shouted. Ze dropped zir hands and was crying again. “And I hate her! And she… So many people make me feel like I’m…wrong. I wish I was normal.”

“Well, that would be boring.”

Taking it lightly wasn’t working because Frankie’s bitter laughter quickly turned into sobs. Ze turned away from Gerard, hugging zir pillow, making these agonized sounds. It was awful. What could Gerard do?

“I hate myself,” Frankie said. Gerard could not believe his ears. “God, I hate myself.”

“No,” Gerard whispered, devastated. He finally joined zir lying on the bed again and experimentally touched zir shaking arm, getting close to whisper in zir ear. “Baby, don’t,” he cooed helplessly.

“I’m awful,” Frankie insisted, falling into a spiral of self-pity and hatred. Ze almost forgot that this was even Gerard. Everything he said went right through zir and all ze wanted was to stop thinking altogether but ze couldn’t so ze kept speaking as if speaking to a wall. “I’m trying to piss her off. I’m trying to start a fight.”

They were silent for a time. Frankie imagined Gerard trying to come up with the right thing to say. Ze thought about how close they were then and how the more ze thought about his body heat, the calmer ze became. But still ze felt that heaviness, in zir chest and shoulders and squeezing zir eyes, like the emotional tension in zir body could not disperse unless ze kept crying which ze did not want to do.

“Keeping her comfortable has made you miserable before,” Gerard finally said into the silence, his low voice skating over Frankie’s arm. “It’s making you miserable now. You aren’t doing anything wrong…” There was a pause as if he was second guessing himself and he said, “You are so brave.”

Frankie rolled zir eyes so hard it almost hurt. “Shut up,” ze said.

But Gerard continued with the… What was it, praise? Frankie couldn’t tell. It was hard to hear but also impossible to not want to hear. It made zir feel heavier, almost, but with something different from the betrayal and hurt of the treatment ze received from zir mother.

“Every day you go out and you’re a different version of yourself,” Gerard said. “The most honest version. More honest than anyone.”

“I am not brave,” Frankie said. Ze gritted zir teeth, willing whatever was in zir to just calm down. But speaking only made zir voice squeak with the threat of more stupid tears. “I am an outlier. I’m an anomaly. An embarrassment, a mistake.”

Gerard got just a little closer, rested his cheek against zir neck, and Frankie would have been unbelievably ecstatic with this contact had it not been for what he said next. “You’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever met.”

What fucking bullshit! What did something so superficial and subjective have to do with anything of what they were talking about? Frankie nudged Gerard away then turned around and pushed him, enraged. Fucking beautiful. Like Gerard’s opinion even mattered, like…his finding zir beautiful did anything to make any of this better when…ze felt so ugly inside out. Why did ze think ze was so ugly?

“That doesn’t mean anything!” Frankie shouted. Gerard grabbed zir hands on his chest.

“You’re the strongest person I’ve ever met,” Gerard continued, all-serious and not faltering. He never believed something more than he believed what he was saying to zir. Holding zir shaking hands and seeing the way the tension left zir shoulders made him think he might be getting through to zir.

“N-no I’m not,” Frankie murmured.

Gerard leaned a little closer. “Your mother disowned and insulted you, and you still had hope.” Frankie closed zir eyes. Gerard continued. “She replaced you and you’re still going to face her. You know that strangers and loved ones alike reject you but you continue to be yourself. I am done with the pseudo-complimentary bull shit Jamia taught me to use when comforting you because of your self-deprecating attitude.” At that Frankie laughed and opened zir eyes again, looking at Gerard hopefully. He wondered if he sounded as awed by the impossibility of zir as he felt. “You are brave, you are strong, and you are beautiful and you deserve to be told that over and over until you believe it too.”

Half-laughing, half-sobbing, Frankie threw zir face into zir pillow. Ze squeezed Gerard’s hands and he took that as an indication to get closer. He wrapped his arms around zir and ze continued to stuff zir face into the pillow but let zirself be hugged. After a while, long enough that Gerard had fallen asleep like this, he felt zir move. He rolled onto his back and watched zir tiptoe around the room and out the door. Next door, the sink in the bathroom. Then ze tiptoed back and, noting that Gerard was wide awake, sighed and walked normally to zir side of the bed. Ze lied down above the covers.

“I’m a mess,” Frankie croaked.

“Your mom is a bitch,” Gerard said, trying for lighthearted again. He earned a friendly punch.

“Only I can call my mother a bitch,” ze said. “Watch your mouth or I’ll sew your lips together.”

“You are a violent one.”

Frankie smiled and looked at the ceiling distantly. Then, ze said, “Sometimes I can’t help but just feel awful, you know?”

Gerard nodded. Frankie turned zir head toward him. There was a decisive amount of space between them, now that Frankie’s emotions had cooled. Ze scooted closer and his arm fell easily around zir waist. Ze wanted to kiss him but imagined how many levels that would be not okay in. Instead ze settled for lying on zir back like that, Gerard on his side beside zir holding zir. Eventually he was sound asleep. Ze held his arm, thought about the things he’d said to zir, and imagined zir mother’s reaction to zir lack of hair tomorrow. Ze fell asleep with zir fingers easily slipped through Gerard’s.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember when I said I would update on Mondays again? I lied. I'm updating today Monday, I'll update again when this story gets to 3000 hits (!!!), and I'll post the final chapter this weekend! As a holiday gift to you all.
> 
> Happy holidays/second to last week of December.
> 
> <3

It was the best sleep Frankie had had in a week, since the breakup. Ze woke up strangely well-rested, strangely bald, strangely later into the morning than usual, and with an arm around zir waist that ze had missed. Ze looked down and rubbed zir knuckles just above Gerard’s arm, enough to catch the hairs, and Gerard snorted. Ze held zir breath and stayed completely still until he settled into snoring rhythmically. Frankie grinned to zirself and crawled slowly out from under his arm.

Gerard woke up when something made a sound to his left. Then something else made a sound and he realized, gleefully, that it was Frankie’s laughter. For a moment he thought it was a dream and he settled into the pillows again, somehow, imaging zir laugh as ze sat in his lap at Sleepy Café. A few pats on his stomach made him realize the first sound was the shutters being dropped and opened and he opened his eyes to the sun.

“Morning,” Gerard grumbled, blocking the sun with his hand.

“You can have anything from the kitchen,” Frankie said. “I would’ve woken you earlier, but I felt bad for dragging you out of your apartm—”

“You literally didn’t—”

“Figuratively.”

“Fine.”

They kind of smiled at each other. Gerard finally admired zir unabashedly. Ze was wearing a dark blue sun dress and little makeup. Ze looked beautiful standing in the sunlight, something new about the shape of zir face with all zir hair gone. Ze looked away blushing.

“You have your spare key, right?” ze said, back to business.

“Huh?” Gerard said, still distracted by zir body.

“I mean, I’m going now. And you’re not ready to…”

Frankie gestured at Gerard, who was sprawled awkwardly on zir bed. It was amazing: during the night, he never moved from his spot on, under, or around zir, but the second ze got out of bed (ze always got out of bed first, of course), he claimed the entire bed as his own. Gerard was thinking about that. Frankie, on the other hand, was thinking about how ze’d almost forgotten the coconut smell that always seemed to linger on zir things when Gerard stayed the night.

“Yeah, I…was intending on leaving it, actually,” he said.

“You can slip it under the door when you lock up,” Frankie said, nodding.

Gerard looked at his jeans on the floor. “Okay. Yeah.”

“Thank you. For last night. For being a friend.”

Gerard nodded. “Good, uhm, luck. With your mom.”

Frankie nodded. Fuck, it was all awkward again. “Bye,” ze said.

“Bye.”

Frankie walked out a lot more quickly than ze had expected to. What had even just happened? Walking down the stairs, ze mentally kicked zirself. Ze should’ve done something. He should’ve done something. Ze couldn’t believe this was really over.

Gerard, meanwhile, stared at Frankie’s ceiling. He thought of the evenings they sketched together here, the sex they’d had, the time they’d stayed up until sunrise just talking and touching each other. He didn’t drink any coffee or eat any food. When he left and it came to sliding the key under the door, he paused. He looked down the hall as if a disapproving neighbor might see him slip the key back onto his key chain and walk away.

Bob about had a heart attack when Gerard showed up at Three Gents the next afternoon looking for Frankie.

“The fuck are you doing here?” he asked.

“Are you really gonna play the ‘I was zir friend first’ card? Because James has had no problem keeping in touch with me,” Gerard said, leaning coolly on the desk.

“The fuck are you doing here?” Bob repeated, crossing his arms. He looked at Gerard’s hand on the desk in disgust.

“Did I hear—?” James shouted and burst out of his room. “Holy shit.”

“What the fuck is the commotion?” Frankie called. Gerard stood up straight

“He didn’t even bring flowers,” Bob said.

“There’s a reason for that,” Gerard said, showing Bob the tray holding Styrofoam coffee cups with the Sleepy Café logo on them.

“Holy shit,” said James.

“Is ze busy?” Gerard whispered.

“Yeah,” said Bob and James.

Just then, Jamia burst through the front door smelling of smoke. Gerard turned and their eyes locked. Her jaw reached for the floor. Gerard started to wonder whether he had at some point morphed into a strange animal.

“Holy shit,” said Jamia.

“That’s what I said!” James said excitedly.

“I cannot even.”

Jamia raised her hands in defeat. She’d heard about that night at Frankie’s, slightly disappointed but unsurprised that Gerard, of all people, was Frankie’s first choice over her. If they couldn’t fix it then, they wouldn’t now, and she wanted no part in this. She walked down the hall, shoving a waving James into his room, and went into her own.

Gerard sat down. Bob glared at him. After a while, Gerard’s head fell back and his was snoring lightly. Bob glared at him some more. He magically kept his hands gripping the tray though Bob was waiting patiently for it to fall so that he could wake the bastard up and make him clean.

“Don’t forget the ointment this time, okay?” Frankie said, patting a young returning client on the back.

“I won’t, babe,” she said. She kissed Frankie’s cheek, handed zir an extra twenty, and skipped away staring at her wrist. Frankie followed her to the end of the hallway and turned his gaze onto the couch.

“What the hell?” Frankie said.

James opened his door. “I believe you meant ‘holy shit,’” he said.

Frankie was frozen to the spot. Jamia was laughing from her room. Bob stood up and kicked Gerard’s shin, as hard as he deserved, and Gerard sat up so quick he spilled one of the cups on his right pant leg. The room filled with laughter from Bob and James and Frankie immediately ran over to the utility closet, after first smacking the back of Bob’s head, and got some towels and a mop.

“Coffee?” Frankie said indignantly, throwing the paper towels at Gerard.

He carefully moved the remaining cup between his hand as he wiped down his jeans. The coffee, thankfully, had become cool enough by now that it didn’t burn, but still. His favorite pair of jeans. The ones that Frankie said made his ass look great. Ruined.

“You told me once that flowers were a lame apology,” Gerard grumbled.

There was a silence. Bob scoffed and typed away at his computer. Frankie and Gerard stared at each other. James muttered, “That’s so cute,” and carefully shut his door.

“Cold Sleepy coffee?” Frankie asked.

“Is there a better kind?” Gerard countered.

Frankie smiled and looked away. Ze was so excited. And kind of anxious. Ze took deep breaths as ze walked over to the utilities closet to put the dirty mop away. Gerard was still patting down his jeans when Frankie grabbed the remaining cup.

“Thanks,” ze said.

“Do you have some free time?” Gerard asked shyly, looking over Frankie’s shoulder.

Frankie looked back. Bob was glaring at zir disapprovingly, having been the most defensive of Frankie when ze was falling apart after the breakup. Still, he did his duty and nodded that Frankie had some free time. “Yeah,” Frankie said, turning back to Gerard with a grin.

“Can we talk?” Gerard asked. “I came to return your key but I’d rather talk first.”

Frankie’s smile faltered. “Yeah.”

Well, Gerard was nervous as hell. They walked to the end of the block, where Gerard threw out the damp paper towels. They kept walking. Frankie sipped silently. They knew where they were going and neither of them spoke a word. At the park, Gerard led them to the tree that Frankie liked and they sat cross-legged on the ground next to it, facing each other. Gerard avoided eye contact by taking Frankie’s spare key, which ze had given to him shortly after the Mr. Way Debacle to prove some sort of loyalty to him. Gerard twirled it in his fingers, having not needed it at all while they were together. He cleared his throat. Frankie was the one to speak.

“You were right,” Frankie said. “I am scared. Of getting hurt, of getting left behind. I usually do the leaving behind to minimize the damage to myself.” Gerard started using the key as a shovel, digging at the grass between them. Frankie slurped for a moment. “But I felt more confident about you,” ze continued. “Nothing Jamia could say or do when she put her bitch helmet on would tamper that. Which was fine for me but…I guess I never realized that my brand of dealing with her is kind of unique to me. She did go too far.”

“If I wasn’t so insecure, I wouldn’t have let her faze me,” Gerard grumbled. When Frankie didn’t respond, he looked up to see zir shrug. “I like that you’re confident. It balances out how insecure I am. And I’m going to be. Insecure. You make me better. I swear to god you do. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t believe that.” Frankie smiled down at Gerard hand, which still distractedly dug at the dirt. “I’m sorry for hurting you,” he finally said, ready to admit that the way he ended it was pretty fucked. That he was mean. He was ready to go on and on but the words were caught in his throat and Frankie, so much better with words, spoke up.

“I hurt you, so…” ze murmured. “I suppose that makes us even.”

They were quiet while Frankie sipped away. Once ze finished and put the cup aside, there seemed to be no buffer left in their empty conversation. This was a better way to end things, surely. Apologies accepted, tension gone. They smiled at each other kind of sadly. Gerard offered zir the key. Ze took it from his hand and he took the cup from zirs. He stood and walked away.


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Christmas!
> 
> This is the second to last chapter and my third update in a week. Make sure you go back and read them all!
> 
> Final chapter in a few days.
> 
> <3

Frankie kept to zirself the rest of the day. The other two Gents and their collective faithful Secretary were going crazy wanting to know what had happened with Gerard. At the end of the day, they made zir sit on Bob’s chair. They wheeled zir out in front of the couch and plopped down, waiting for a story.

“What happened?” Jamia, in the center, asked.

“Did you get back together?” James, to her right, asked.

“Fucking bastard made the floor sticky,” Bob complained.

“That was your fault,” Frankie said, pointing at Bob. James reached over Jamia to fuck with Bob’s hair and Jamia shoved him away. Frankie cleared zir throat to get their attention. When ze had it, ze took a deep breath. “He came to return his spare key. So I guess it’s time for me to trust one of you idiots with one since I have an extra I don’t need.”

“I’m so sorry,” Bob said, sounding sorrier than he really should have been. Jamia was surprised. James looked away. “I thought you guys were gonna patch it up.”

Frankie shrugged, crossing zir arms. “I guess it just wasn’t meant to be,” ze said.

“I talked to him, you know,” Jamia butt in. “I tried to convince him to talk to you.”

“Yeah?”

“I guess it didn’t work.”

“You know, he’s a grown-ass man and doesn’t whatsoever need your approval,” Frankie reminded her. James made a sound like holding a laugh.

Jamia took a moment to stare at James oddly then turned back to Frankie pleadingly. “I know,” she insisted. She tried to display remorse as best she could but didn’t have to make much effort; her eyes were tearing up, her body was slumped, her voice was scratchy. She had not forgiven herself for hurting zir that way. “I’m sorry,” she continued. “I wish I wasn’t such a jealous asshole. I wish I hadn’t meddled. I don’t even know why I… I was selfish. I’m sorry.”

“So if you could do it again, you would…” Frankie tried, egging Jamia on. Ze was smiling.

“Mind my own business. Back off.”

“And the next time I’m dating someone—”

“I will not meddle. I promise.” Jamia sighed. “Frankie, I want you to be happy.”

“He kept the spare key,” James blurted excitedly. Bob and Frankie made noises of dissent.

“What?” Jamia said, looking around. They were all smiling. “What’s going on?”

“We staged an intervention of sorts,” Bob said. James finally openly laughed.

“Frankie texted us a few minutes ago,” James said.

“What…really happened?” Jamia said, outraged, glaring at Frankie. Ze told her.

After walking almost to the gate, Gerard dropped the empty cup into the trash can there and turned right back around. This was not planned, Frankie could tell. Ze looked up at him and waited for him to say something.

“Jamia talked to me before,” he had said.

“Yeah?”

“I think she wants us to get back together.”

“Really? Huh. She seems guilty but I didn’t expect she would actually want that.”

Gerard sat down again and leaned closer to Frankie, their knees touching. It was surprisingly not uncomfortable. “I’m not asking you this because of her,” Gerard insisted. “I’m asking you this because the happiest I’ve been since I dumped you was when I spent the night with you a couple days ago.” Frankie’s eyebrows went up. Gerard caught himself. “Not to say that I liked seeing you miserable, just… I mean, it was upsetting, but…”

“Get to it, Gerard,” Frankie said.

“Do you want to? Get back together? Because I’m an idiot and I shouldn’t walk away from you when we fight.” Frankie’s eyes had slowly widened. Gerard took that as a bad sign and leaned away, disconnecting their knees. “I mean, unless…” He tripped over his words. “You can say no, obviously. I just… I wanna try again if you’d let me?”

“We both have things to work on,” Frankie said. Gerard nodded. Frankie narrowed zir eyes. “The coffee was gross.” Gerard laughed. Very suddenly, Frankie’s hands were on his thighs and ze pulled zirself closer to him. Knees touching again, foreheads touching, lips just almost touching.

“I love you,” Gerard said.

“I love you too,” Frankie replied. “I wanna be with you.”

Gerard chuckled. “I’ve never been more relieved.”

“So, I’m gonna see him tonight,” Frankie finished, grinning 

“I can’t believe you let that bastard crawl back to you,” Bob said, standing. He left without saying much else. James just clapped his hands excitedly. He hadn’t wanted to give up his friendship with Gerard so this was really the best solution for him. Gerard and Frankie getting back together. Jamia was dumbstruck.

“Good,” she said. “Good!”

“You’re a bitch,” Frankie said. Ze couldn’t stop grinning.

“I know,” she said. “He makes you happy, he makes me happy.”

“He makes me happy,” Frankie said. James walked right over and hugged zir.

“Happy Frankie is best Frankie,” James muttered into Frankie’s neck.

“Can we, like…leave now?”

James shook his head and squeezed Frankie tighter. Jamia joined in the group hug and they didn’t let go until Frankie called uncle. While locking up, they let Frankie rattle off about the lazy date—take out and HBO—and the mural they’d been recruited to paint soon. On the way home, Frankie could only think about how ze would have to be better and Gerard would have to be better. They loved each other way too much not to try.


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year, everyone! Thank you for sticking with this story for so long. I can't believe how successful it has been. I've learned a lot writing it and it has been very helpful to me. I hope you got something out of it, too.
> 
> Keep a look out for more from me in the coming months!
> 
> <3

Gerard was in a pair of jeans that were grossly torn at the inner thigh and an Anthrax shirt that he insisted belonged to Mikey; that’s why it was so small. Frankie was in overalls with just underwear because ze was a total tease. James was in a similarly small outfit, the matching camo shorts and muscle shirt he always wore to paint that revealed his beer belly. Jamia wore sweatpants and her hair in a high ponytail.

“Lilac would look better there,” Jamia said, stepping over a paint bucket. She slipped momentarily on the plastic but caught herself before the others thought to play hero. She pointed to where a purple dot was on a scale of the dragon on the wall.

“Well, yeah, but there’s gonna be some…blending,” Gerard said, gesturing vaguely. “See, over here there’s cyan?”

“Cyan is not a good color there.”

“Jesus Christ.”

“She is the color expert,” Frankie pointed out.

“She could be a mural expert and I wouldn’t take her advice,” Gerard said, deciding right then he wasn’t listening to Jamia anymore.

Frankie and Jamia exchanged a look. Frankie laughed when Jamia rolled her eyes.

Things were still tense between Gerard and Jamia. They were trying to get along but Frankie didn’t particularly care whether they did as long as neither of them got in the way of the other’s relationship with zir. Not that Gerard ever would. He was an angel. It was Jamia who was on probation, which is why Frankie only laughed. They would be tipsy and laughing soon, anyway, a punk playlist playing from Gerard’s laptop and open beer bottles standing in a row on the coffee table that had been pushed to the other end of the living room.

“I like my superhero guy,” James said, admiring the cartoons evading the giant three-headed dragon’s breath. “BB stands for Beer Belly, yeah?”

“Stands for Beautiful Butt,” Gerard said. Jamia mhmmed and they all laughed when James modeled for them.

The mural was finally finished and ready for coloring in. It was a laborious afternoon. Gerard invited the artist friends he knew that were on the wall—because, no, none of his acquaintances from school made it onto the mural. The three-headed beast terrorized a suspiciously New York City-esque town while caricatures of him and his friends surrounded it, smaller than its head, and attempted to fight it with various useless weapons. Jamia’s caricature was a bee, the queen, with a dull stinger protruding from her butt and a crown atop her head. Frankie’s simply had “ST” written on zir uniform and a magical lollipop at hand. Halfway through, Jamia sat on the plastic and took a breather.

“What does it mean?” Jamia asked, staring at the mural.

“We’re not in art school anymore, Jamia,” James reprimanded. Frankie took a moment to look away from the scale ze was blending to paint on James’ face. Again. “It’s a fucking monster.”

“Shit sucks but it’s cool when we’re together,” Gerard said.

The others turned to him. He was painting the accent on the beast’s outstretched claw, from the foot that Mikey was about to stab a fork into. When he sensed their stares, he looked around him, startled by the attention.

“I’m a sap,” Gerard informed them.

“You really are Frankie’s opposite,” Jamia grumbled.

Frankie walked over and painted on Jamia’s nose. “He’s the north to my south,” Frankie said.

Behind Gerard’s back, the others painted on each other. Once he turned around, they aimed their sticky fingers at him. Needless to say, they didn’t finish the mural that day. But by the end of the day they were exhausted and happy.

Gerard and Frankie didn’t even bother to shower before heading to Frankie’s apartment, where they would stay while the paint dried. They showered together, warm and lingering, soapy hands tickling sides and short finger nails scratching at particularly stubborn spots of paint. They went their separate ways to dry off, Frankie running to the bedroom promising a surprise and Gerard waiting patiently once in his boxers to be called.

“Okay!” Frankie said. “You can come.”

Gerard walked slowly down the hall. The bedroom door was open. He closed his eyes as he stepped forward, only opening them when the door was shut behind him. Frankie had on a white, mostly transparent nighty that ran down to the middle of zir thighs, and nothing else underneath. No makeup. Zir tattoos seemed bright against the fabric. Zir arms were above zir head, wrists crossed, and zir knees, both bent, pointed toward each other. Ze smiled softly.

“I hate how beautiful you are,” Gerard murmured, awed.

“Not nearly as pretty as you,” Frankie said throwing zir head to the side like an invitation. Ze never broke their stare.

Gerard took the invitation. He crawled onto the bed between zir legs, fighting them open first with gentle fingers and then pleading kisses. Frankie sighed and spread zir legs, tensed as he kissed along zir thigh. The soft material tickled Gerard’s arms as he got them on either of zir, kissing up zir stomach as he lowered himself onto zir. He kissed zir neck minutely, then again, then again pressing down with his whole body on zir. Frankie held his elbows and smiled against his shoulder.

“Way fucking prettier,” Gerard said.

“There’s still some paint behind your ear,” Frankie whispered hotly and it took a few seconds before they fell into laughter.

Frankie picked at the paint as ze kissed his throat and once it was all gone ze just held him and let zirself be held by him. Gerard looked down at zir, kept murmuring, “So beautiful,” and Frankie just listened, tried to believe it, couldn’t quite. They kissed and Gerard’s hand lifted the nighty, pressing roughly against zir leg and then zir side. They were desperate and lingering. They clutched at each other, gasped for breaths when they dared drift apart for long, moved against each other frantically.

Frankie ripped open the condom wrapper and Gerard got entirely naked, sat against the bedframe like it was a challenge. Frankie smirked and got the condom on him then lifted the nighty and sunk down. Gerard held zir impossibly close in his lap and they moved together like that. Frankie’s hands against the wall behind Gerard. Ze made the pace and soon had Gerard swearing, biting at zir chest, snapping his hips up to meet zir as best he could while the nighty’s material scratched the inside of his arms. Frankie moaned low into his ear, struggling to maintain a rhythm and eventually just riding him carelessly. He held zir hips tight and ze cried out as he pulled zir down. They whispered _I missed you_ s and _faster_ and _so good_.

After a while, Frankie was basically putty. Gerard kept the tight hold on zir and Frankie clung to him as he got up on his knees. Frankie let zirself drop back, holding zirself up on the mattress, a weird angle but an effective one. Frankie’s arms shook and Gerard’s hips moved quickly, emitting moans from them both. Ze dared get a hand between them, first to pull away garment that was sticking to zir sweaty stomach and thighs then to get zirself off. Ze whimpered, rotated zir hips, practically vibrated. It didn’t take long for zir other arm to give. Ze fell on zir back and Gerard slipped out of zir, making them both laugh. Gerard just got closer again, kissing Frankie’s chest, holding up zir thighs as he moved back into zir.

Gerard swore at the ceiling, shaking against zir, listening to zir coos of _come on baby come for me let me see you_. Gerard’s hands jerked very suddenly and a ripping sound halted their movements briefly. There was a tear right across the garment, not subtle at all; it was ruined. But Frankie didn’t seem to care, begged Gerard to continue, squeezed around him and whispered his name over and over. Gerard grunted and stilled with his lips on Frankie’s chin. He took all of 4 seconds to tie up the condom and toss it aside. He got his mouth between Frankie’s legs to finish zir off. Frankie pressed zir wrists to Gerard’s shoulders, curling forward, crying out.

Gerard begged for a cigarette after but they were quitting, Frankie swore it, and their nicotine patches would have to do. Gerard tapped on the little square inside his arm. Frankie kissed it and kissed him and moved away from him to stretch.

“You’re buying me a new one,” Frankie said, gesturing at zir favorite, and now ruined, nighty. Ze slipped out of it and tossed it aside, getting back in bed fully naked.

“Did you notice what I named your hero on my mural?” Gerard asked.

Frankie arched a brow. “ST. What does that mean?”

“Sweet Tooth. You know, because I’m apparently so sweet.”

Frankie smirked. “I’ll get over that once you make me come a second time.”

“I’ll get right on that. You really have to stop punching my shoulders when I go down on you, it kinda hurts.”

“I thought you liked it when it hurt a little.”

Gerard blushed at the ceiling. Frankie rolled on top of him and kissed him until he was ready for another round. The next morning, they showered again together and ventured to Sleepy Café for an afternoon of sketches where it all began.


End file.
